


Pining Through the Internet

by Lenasaurous



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Also there is a lot of swearing, I don't really know why though, I just felt like it, In my defence I literally wrote this thing in less than a week with little care, M/M, Pretty much spoiler free, The characters get a little OOC at times, There's more now..., You Have Been Warned, Youtube AU, so much swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-04-22 20:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14316870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenasaurous/pseuds/Lenasaurous
Summary: "You see ladies and gentlemen, Kokichi would kill them both, and possibly everyone else in the world, in a heartbeat if it meant he could fuck and subsequently marry Shuichi Saihara!"“Miu! I thought we were friends, you bitch!”





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with my other fic, this is already finished so I'll be updating this every day. Although since this fic is only four chapters the last one will be on Tuesday. Plus while I have checked through this a lot, at this point while I feel I should go through it again, I just want to get this thing up already and I don't have any kind of beta, my friends already know I write fanfiction, I'm not about to force them to read it too (ᗒᗜᗕ) Plus I apologise if any of it is offensive, anything that is is meant to be crude but not offensive to readers. Enjoy.

“Wooaah! Over twenty thousand of you beautiful bastards are tuning in already! Thanks for joining us tonight! Wonderful to know how much you love my face. I can’t blame you guys, I am rather beautiful.”

“And how do you know they’re not here to see me, fucktard?”

“Who in their right mind would want to look at an ugly skank?”

“Well who the fuck would want to look at a gay midget?”

It had been about five minutes, they’d only been introducing the stream, setting up and such, Tsumugi hadn’t even arrived and they’d already began yelling at each other.

Kokichi was suddenly distracted from yelling at Miu by the sound of his phone going off. Very suddenly a pillow hit Kokichi smack in the face and he scowled across at Miu. “I’m going to momentarily ignore that. Sorry guys, I’m getting a call.” He picked it up and looked at the id. He smirked before picking up. “Well, well, well! My dearest Tsumugi, so great to hear from you! I certainly hope that you have a good excuse as to your absence. Our beautiful viewers are getting impatient.”

“ _Look, I’m really sorry, I’ll only be a moment, I’m literally around the corner. Just start and I’ll be there in, like, five minutes,_ ” she apologised, the sound of wind rapidly blowing past the phone’s mic.

Sighing melodramatically, Kokichi replied. “I _suppose_ we can start without you.” He then waited a second, miming hanging up on her. “Good god guys, you lot should hear her! She’s _sooo_ sorry. Can’t even pop down the corner store without spending an hour and a half. She probably saw a copy of Cosplayers monthly or something and entered a trance.”

_“Kokichi, I’m still here.”_

He snickered, looking over to where Miu was tsking and rolling her eyes, too used to his pranks.

“Oh. My. God. I’m so sorry Tsumugi, I didn’t realise I had failed to hang up.” Tsumugi didn’t reply, instead she hung up herself. “She hung up on me!” he announced, looking from Miu to the camera in a show of shocked betrayal. “C-can you… can you guys _believe her!?_ ”

Another pillow slapped him in the face. “Shut up, twink,” Miu bit playfully. “So, we starting or what?”

***

Kokichi Ouma was a YouTuber.

He and Miu had shared a channel since high school and had been uploading videos for a long time, however it was only once Kokichi had met Tsumugi halfway through University that they’d actually received any attention.

Tsumugi having been riding high as a relatively successful professional cosplayer had leant them equipment and such. Once they didn’t sound like they were speaking through a potato, people seemed to think they were actually funny and, with a little bit of luck, they had broken half a million subscribers in the next six months.

All that after three years of absolutely nothing was pretty exciting, but it had been nothing compared to when they started streaming.

Apparently seeing him and Miu react to each other entirely unscripted, while playing games or watching films or even just talking, often times with Tsumugi too, had been apparently very entertaining to the people of the internet.

They’d hit two million by the start of the new year, which was where they were at this point.

The two of them hadn’t become household names or anything, they were still small in comparison to the hundreds of giants clocking in hundreds of millions of views a day with over ten million subscribers a piece, but they could at least live off of it at that point, and that was the most important part.

***

“Okay, okay, okay. The three of us are gonna take requests for what to do next. I’m gonna take a screenshot of the chat, so you guys better get ready to leave your suggestions!” Kokichi announced to the camera, leaning over the table to pull the keyboard closer.

“Please, nothing weird,” Tsumugi begged. “No stripping games, or weird sexual stuff, _please_.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head my little moogle,” Kokichi assured her, leaning back to pat her on the head, purposefully doing his best to muss it up. “That shit’s up Miu’s alley, not mine, nor yours. Nor most of our audience. Although I’m sure some of the lovely viewers at home wouldn’t mind a peek.”

Miu grinned cockily. “Well, who on earth _wouldn’t_ want a look at the voluptuous body of the gorgeous girl genius Miu Iruma?!”

“Everyone. At least they shouldn’t. I was being sarcastic, stupid bitch. Guys,” he turned to stare into the camera meaningfully, “you _never_ want to the see those things. They have paraded uncovered around my apartment too many times and on every single _fucking_ occasion I end up chucking up into the toilet.”

“Would you just screencap the chat already,” Tsumugi asked exasperatedly, seeing another explosive argument on the horizon. It may have been what they were famous for, but Tsumugi didn’t really like having to deal with the cheese dust in her hair when someone ended up throwing the bowl of Doritos in anger. That stuff just did _not_ come out of hair. Or off of skin. After the last time she was finding orange dust where it shouldn’t be for weeks.

Kokichi rolled his eyes but complied, holding up the key board and placing his finger above the ‘print-screen’ button dramatically. “Are you ready people!? On the count of three! One! Two! Three!” And in a very anticlimactic conclusion, he pressed the button, but Miu had picked up an airhorn and blown for added effect.

“Right, what have you assholes got lined up for us tonight then!” Miu exclaimed, snatching the keyboard away from Kokichi and fiddling about the with computer. “What the fuck is Win, Lose, Banana?”

“I’ll look it up,” Tsumugi muttered, digging out her phone.

“Well, ‘ContemporaryMary264’ had suggested Fuck, Marry, Kill, and that sounds a hell of a lot more straightforward,” Kokichi pointed out. “And I’m sure since it’s so simple, even Miu will be able to comprehend it.”

“We play this all the fucking time with people on the bus.”

Kokichi instantly began cackling. “Guys, guys! Miu told me she’d rather fuck a tramp than this fat guy we saw at the store the other day. The tramp looked so grungy he probably had fleas and rabies or something.”

Miu’s face went red as it screwed up in angry embarrassment. “That fat guy looked like he could have suffocated me with all thirteen of his necks! At least I would have come out of sex with the tramp alive, if a little diseased.”

“I think that maybe we should just play the game,” Tsumugi proposed, having given up on looking up the other suggestion. “We should ask the chat for suggestions.”

“I concur!” Kokichi announced, turning his attention to another computer monitor and pulling up a new tab. “If you have a suggestion, tweet us with the hashtag ‘dicelivefmk’ and we’ll start taking them in a minute.”

Biding for time, Miu decided to go get a drink from the kitchen and Tsumugi began enthusing about the game convention she would be attending the following week and what cosplay she was fixing up to fill the silence. A little while later, after Miu had returned with a beer for herself and also thrown a grape Fanta can at Kokichi’s head, they each turned to separate twitter screens and scanned for questions to torment each other with.

“Okay, ‘GiantCustardGirl’ wants Miu to do the guys from Mortal Society,” Kokichi announced.

“Easy,” she yelled back, not looking up from her phone, “fuck Adrian, marry Takuma and kill Lemar. That guy’s a dildo and can’t sing for shit.”

Tsumugi laughed. “Careful Miu, he’s the popular one.”

“Bullshit, anyone who thinks Lemar Brant is good at what he does needs to go fuck themselves. That dickhead wouldn’t deserve to be paid for picking shit up off of the street and eating it, let alone parading about as if he thinks he can sing.”

“Moving on,” Tsumugi stopped her, turning to a new question. “For Kokichi, from ‘AGriffinOutOfTime’, Harris McClain, Jornan-Lee Handly and Gavino Laurito.”

“How come Miu gets the easy ones! They’re all so hot!”

Miu leant back in her chair to balance herself and she held her leg over Tsumugi, so she could prod Kokichi with her toe. “Just answer the fucking question and don’t get too gay on us, we’re not in the mood for a break down.”

“Piss off, slut, I’m getting to it. Right err… I’d fuck McClain, marry Laurito and kill Handly. No wait… no… fuck Laurito, marry Handly and kill McClain…” He bit his lip and stared down at his phone, pained. “Shit, actually…”

“Oh, would you hurry up! I got a good one for the nerd.”

Kokichi threw an empty drink can at her. “I’m being asked to choose between the three most attractive underwear models in the world and you’re trying to hurry me along!” he whined, sitting up and looking at the computer. “Whatever, I’ll just go with whatever my first instinct was.”

“Great. Tsumugi, Satsuki, Rachna or Alessia from Design of the Void.”

The noise that came from Tsumugi sounded like a balloon deflating through a tiny puncture hole, high pitched and distressed. “N-no! I can’t… You can’t make me do that!”

“Get a taste of your own medicine be-otch!”

Tsumugi grumbled before giving her answer. “All right, I have one for you now Kokichi. ‘96AmusedOrangeFish’ says Kaoru Matsuoka, Takuya Oshiro or Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu.”

A loud bark of laughter came from Kokichi then. “Oh no, no, _no_. I will do none of those things to Fuyu. Okay chat,” he then turned to the camera. “especially you fishface, I _know_ Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu. I’ve known him a long time, same high school, and you _never_ want to do any of those things to him. He is an ugly midget, like yours truly, _and_ he’s an abrasive, emotionally stunted piece of shit and to top it the fuck off, he has ties to the Japanese Yakuza I’d prefer not to disclose the nature of. He is terrifying too. I will do none of these three things to him. Ever.”

“Good call,” Miu agreed, shivering. “He’s not the sort of guy you ever want to cross. There was this other girl at our school, she followed him around, she was like his body guard or something. That girl could have cut you down with a single look let alone that sword they let her carry around for some unknown reason.”

“I have no idea what either of you are talking about.” Tsumugi looked very lost. “How many other celebrities did you grow up with?”

Miu shrugged. “Who knows.” But the look she threw at Kokichi then was rather suggestive, and he didn’t seem to like what it was she was suggesting; he instantly glared at her venomously.

“Shall we carry on then?” Tsumugi proposed.

The three of them continued for a good thirty minutes, finding the most distressing ones for each other to pick between. Tsumugi spent a good ten minutes debating between two of the characters from her favourite anime, and Kokichi and Miu got through another twenty between them in the time it took.

It was beginning to get kind of late though, and by late they meant early, as in the sun would be rising soon. So Tsumugi found one last question for them to answer.

“Okay, this is for all of us. ‘Orangutangle’, cool name by the way, says they want to know between their personal favourite YouTubers, not including us, aw thanks. So, it’s between Sonia Nevermind, Hajime Hinata and Shuichi Saihara.”

The screech that came from Miu’s throat was completely and utterly inhuman. It wouldn’t be surprising to find the FBI or something turning up to discover where the aliens have landed.

While Miu seemed over the moon though, Kokichi was having a quiet mental break down.

Miu moved to sit up on her knees and clumsily pulled her wheelie chair over to Tsumugi’s seat before engulfing her in a bone crushing hug. “I love you Tsum-tsum. You’re the best friend a gal could ever dream of having.”

Tsumugi was understandably confused. “W-why?”

There was no answer though, because then Miu was on her feet and delightedly announcing something to the chat.

“Okay, the last remaining punk-bitches who have stayed up into the early hours of the morning, or are just not in the US, I am about to treat you to Kokichi Ouma’s deepest darkest secret.”

“Miu, don’t you fucking dare!” he growled, panicked. “What the shit do you think you’re doing!?”

She ignored him completely. “Because ladies and gentlemen and all of you beautiful fucks in between, I’m gonna answer this question for the little twink. As goddamn gorgeous and perfect as Sonia is, and as completely inoffensive and innocent Hajime usually is, Kokichi would kill them both, and possibly everyone else in the world, in a heartbeat if it meant he could fuck and subsequently marry Shuichi Saihara.”

“I thought we were friends, you bitch!” Kokichi screeched, visibly shaken, steam was practically pouring out of his ears.

“This was too good a chance to pass on!” she exclaimed, elatedly guilty and warily shuffling away, though unable to stop the uncontrollable giggles pouring from her mouth. “You’ve been in love with this boy since middle school!”

That just made things worse. “Don’t keep going!” Despite the rage pulsating off of his entire body, Kokichi looked a little too stunned to move. “You can’t just tell that kind of shit to the internet!”

“You still haven’t denied it!”

Throughout this entire ordeal, Tsumugi was quite frankly just fearing for her life. It was a miracle that night didn’t end in bloodshed, but very soon after that, the stream ended.

Tsumugi resolved to make sure Miu slept at her place, afraid that if she didn’t, Miu probably wouldn’t wake up in the morning, or ever again. She’d witnessed the two of them get into what would, for normal people, typically be friendship ending rows before, and she’d been astonished again and again by just how resilient their relationship seemed to be. This time however, she was almost certain that Miu had crossed about a million lines.

Well, she could only hope that this would end well too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole thing is kind of lame but I had fun writing it. I have a new writing system which I'm using on this and I think it's working but there is the risk where if I don't try hard enough I'm gonna have a bunch of missed typos. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this at least a little.


	2. Chapter 2

That one livestream was something Kokichi feared he’d never live down, at least at the time.

However, in the following weeks he quickly realised that he was a lucky bastard if ever there was one. As he wasn’t as popular as some of the other people on the platform, a very late-night stream reveal of who he’d been desperately in love with for the majority of his life made little difference anything. Now Tsumugi knew about it, as did a tiny fraction of his fanbase, so he wasn’t all that affected.

This was a huge factor in his forgiveness of Miu.

At first, he’d decided he’d subject her to silence. He’d ignored her completely for two weeks, something he’d done in the past just for fun, so he was a natural at it, but he’d ended up caving eventually when people began complaining that they hadn’t streamed for a long time.

What she’d done had been a very serious breach of trust. That was a secret she’d been keeping for eight years, and she knew how important it was to him. But in a half drunken lapse of judgement she’d said it online, where anyone could get a hold of the information. It seemed, though, that people either weren’t aware of the information yet or didn’t care as the most attention it got online was a few tweets he got away with just politely dismissing.

That was why, when they’d decided to stream a bit of Smash Brothers, the second Kokichi’s Ike managed to throw Miu’s Luigi off the screen and she threw the controller against the wall, he broke his oath of silence. He could never resist rubbing his victories in her face. He was petty and proud of it.

He was further broken down by Miu breaking into guilty tears once the stream had ended, screaming about how sorry she was and how she understood how much of an asshole she’d been. While throughout the whole thing Kokichi had repeatedly stated how a backstabbing cow like her deserved to cry, just the like bitch she was, he’d also deigned to fix her up a mug of hot chocolate with too much whipped cream and marshmallows to be reasonable unless you were sobbing and then proceeded to sit up late with her marathoning the Harry Potter movies until they’d watched all eight and it was two o’clock the following afternoon.

In the months or so following that though, Kokichi had found that, unsurprisingly, he shared a lot of fans with the object of his affections. It was unsurprising because he was one of the most popular content creators online.

Shuichi Saihara of ‘DetectiveOnSunday Productions’ boasted over thirty million subscribers, most of which were loyal and active. He was pretty much the poster child of YouTube and known on and off of the internet, one of those channels that even the news couldn’t bash because it was just so clean and high-quality.

His main claim to fame was the high production short films, often comedic, that he directed with a small team of his old school friends, a team that had grown tremendously since they started five years ago. Those videos always received hundreds of millions of views and often critical acclaim which had led to his involvement in large Hollywood productions where he worked alongside big name directors and celebrities, not to mention music videos and commercials and so on.

Shuichi also made high quality vlogs of which had very good view counts too. It was these videos that really showcased why it was that he was so popular and the face of the channel, aside from the fact that channel was initially his: it was because he was cute.

He was the sort of person who attracted fangirls, powerful, ravenous fangirls; he was attractive and adorable and generally socially awkward.

Despite all of his fame and notoriety and fans and so on though, he was still well regarded as generous and good natured for everything he does, from his tiresome work for charities, attitude towards the press and fans, reactions to new events down to the noticeably modest way he chose to live.

Kokichi had known Shuichi before any of this though.

As Miu had so eloquently said live on the internet, Kokichi had known Shuichi for a long time, since elementary school. By some strange force of nature, the two of them had been put in the same class for every year they were in the school system so the probability of them being in such close proximity to one another for thirteen years and not becoming friends was excruciatingly low. So, they had been very good friends.

All the reasons that people valued Shuichi as an internet personality though, his kindness, generosity, cute social awkwardness and his pretty face, were as present as ever when they were in school. Kokichi had been subject to their beguiling ways since he was five years old and had unsurprisingly, at least to him, fallen _hard_ for the boy. Very hard. Like a brick being dropped into a rock pool from a hundred feet up falling hard.

After graduation however, despite them both agreeing how they’d like to remain in touch, Kokichi hadn’t been able to bring himself to call for fear of fucking up.

It had only gotten worse though, as it was very soon after leaving high school that Shuichi had found his internet fame and became busy and well known and even more unattainable and out of Kokichi’s league.

Calling up then would have been out of the question. It would have looked like he was only reaching out because he was suddenly famous, and he wanted to bandwagon. Under no circumstance could Kokichi have had that. But it had only escalated from there, and at that point, Shuichi was so immense of a presence, so elevated a person, that any dream Kokichi had ever had of a shot had died out completely.

This didn’t mean that, after five years of not speaking to him, his feelings had died any. Shuichi was everywhere, he couldn’t forget him at all, even if he wanted to. They still festered in the crevices of his soul, fuelling the beating of his heart like a sick addiction he couldn’t function without.

It didn’t matter how much he lied to everyone, including himself, it had hurt that Shuichi had never reached out to him though. That he’d never called. But then again, neither had Kokichi.

***

“So Tsumugi’s a professional cosplayer, but have the three of you ever done, or considered doing, a cosplay together?”

“I’ve tried to make them do it, but they just won’t! They don’t understand how much fun it is!”

“It’s not that, I’m sure it would be great, I just don’t want to subject anyone to the horror that would be Miu in skimpy cosplay.”

The convention hall began laughing, especially as Miu began to sputter out protests.

Kokichi, Miu and Tsumugi had all been invited to hold a small panel at a large convention and had somehow managed to pack the room.

It was exciting for Kokichi to meet so many people who wanted to see him every year. He’d always been told he was an unlikable person, yet so many people had gone so far as to pay _money_ to get the chance to meet him. It was mindboggling. He done the whole gig a few times at that point, but it never got old. The QnA part of the panels were always his favourite, though. It gave the perfect excuse to bring up weird anecdotes and to pose weird questions back and to really interact with his fans. Holding QnA’s online always paled in comparison to what the experience of doing it all in person was.

But there was also a small drawback. Having them all in front of him put on more pressure, so if they asked awkward questions he found it difficult to lie about the answers so easily, or to just brush it all off.

So, when the question came up, he failed to save face.

“This question’s for Kokichi. There have been a few rumours going around, but is it true that you know Shuichi Saihara personally?”

A quiet, excited murmur spread across the hall and the hoard of people looked up at him expectantly.

On his right, Miu had tensed and was sitting stock still, mouth slightly agape, looking down at him apprehensively. Tsumugi was also wary, though not quite so distressed as Miu was, not yet understanding just how sensitive to this whole ordeal Kokichi really was.

Kokichi however, stared uncertainly across the hall, the question asker growing worried she’d asked something bad or said something wrong. Eventually he cleared his throat and leaned over to speak into the mic. “I um... I guess. At least I used to, we were close throughout school. Miu knew him too. We haven’t seen him since then though.”

“So, you’re not friends anymore?” the girl asked hesitantly as the tension in the room deflated.

“I don’t know, honestly. We never left on bad terms, it was more that after graduation we just never spoke again. We planned to only… we didn’t. Happens to everyone I guess.”

People were talking excitedly across the rows of chairs and the young girl thanked him and stepped away from the mic for the next fan to stand up.

It seemed that whatever she had wanted to ask before had been thrown from her mind though, as Kokichi doubted she had planned to ask what she did before that question had been thrown out there.

“How long did you and Miu know Shuichi then? Because you two met during high school, didn’t you?”

Kokichi was astounded that he managed not to sound pissed off beyond all belief. He really hoped the panel didn’t turn into a history lesson about his past with Shuichi.

“I’ve known Shuichi since I was about five, we were somehow in the same class every year until graduation, so, I’ve known him longer than I’ve known Miu. Although I’d probably say that I know her a little bit better at this point. Again, I haven’t spoken to him in a long time.”

Miu, thankfully, had relaxed by that point, seeing that Kokichi was willing to speak about the topic, and decided to step up and take the reins. “I’ve gotta say, I think the best part about one of our old friends becoming as famous as Shuichi, is that while all of you look at him and see this super suave director/producer/comedian or whatever; I remember the bony little fucker that struggled to make three sit ups as Kaito held his legs down and yelled at him to keep going as if he was giving birth.”

Everyone seemed to like that, laughing at Miu’s story. Still, Kokichi really didn’t want this whole thing to be about someone who wasn’t even present.

“You see boys and girls, the wonderful man you all idolise was no popular guy. He was the resident nerd. He’d get outstanding grades and shit, but fuck if he was looked up to for it. But then I don’t think he ever got bullied or anything but, in all honesty, he was a bit of a loser. A nice loser, but he still was one. I mean, we were too, but y’know.”

Kokichi chuckled and gave in to his lapse of judgement. “Didn’t stop me falling head over heels for him, did it?”

Completely stunned, Miu turned to look at him, mouth hanging agape.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” he said, gently slapping her dumbstruck face. “As if he’s ever going to hear any of this, or ever give a shit about it. I mean, at this point he’s a famous personality, and I’m still an ugly loser who spends every second of the day either pining over him or bickering with you,” he chuckled quietly and leant back in his chair. “I mean, the only differences are Tsumugi and the fact that people enjoy witnessing our squabbles.”

The audience ‘aww’ed and some people started shouting compliments at him, but he didn’t care. “No, no, stop it for once in my life I’m not actually begging for attention, stop it, please!” he began to laugh. “Look, it’s been half a decade since I spoke a single word to this guy, it’s not like I’m holding out any hope. Anyway, anyway, Tsum-tsum is out of the loop! We didn’t meet her until University! Let’s allow her back into the conversation then, shall we?”

The conversation sailed smoothly away from the subject of Shuichi at that point and wasn’t brought up again throughout the panel, which was a wonderful thing in Kokichi’s opinion. He got to spend the rest of the panel dicking around with his two best friends before the emcee alerted them that their time was up, at which point he reminded the audience about the meet and greet they’d have later that day.

“I can’t believe you actually said all of that stuff in front of them!” Miu exclaimed once they were back stage and collecting their things, saying quick hellos to the people preparing for the next panel. “It’s not like you _had_ to be honest.”

Kokichi shrugged as Tsumugi quickly excused herself to go to the little girls’ room. “I already told you, I’ve come to the conclusion that none of it matters. At all. For what reason could he ever know or care about my stupid crush on him.”

Miu chuckled darkly. “You know it’s no ‘stupid crush’,” she hissed down to him as they stepped out into what they thought was an empty corridor. “You are in _love_ with him.”

“E-excuse me,” a small voice interrupted them.

Both of them snapped their heads up to look at who it was, worrying that they’d been overheard. That fear _centupled_ when they saw who had been stood not a foot away from them both.

In all his angelic glory, bestowing his presence upon their unworthy forms, was Shuichi Saihara himself.

Kokichi’s breath hitched in his throat and he was instantly finding it extremely difficult to breathe, and from what he could tell, Miu wasn’t much better off.

Shuichi seemed a little confused at the reactions he was receiving, but aside from that he looked really pleased to see the two of them. “Kokichi! Miu! It’s… It’s been a really long time.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Miu mumbled dazedly and this somehow dislodged the air that was blocking Kokichi’s windpipe as he snorted loudly. “I mean, err… it’s nice to… to see you again, Shuichi,” Miu struggled out, doing her upmost in the role of best friend to let Kokichi avoid putting his foot in his mouth by doing it herself. “What brings you here?”

Shuichi smiled and chuckled awkwardly. “It’s a YouTube convention… It’s my job… like it’s… it’s yours as well.” He looked down and frowned for a moment before abruptly looking back up. “I err… I really like you guys’ channel by the way. It’s really funny, I watch your streams all the time.”

If Shuichi had thought that would make the situation any better, he was sorely mistaken. All he managed to do was make both of them stiffen up again in shock. They couldn’t believe that _Shuichi Saihara_ , world-famous internet and movie personality, watched _their_ streams on a regular basis.

“Y-your stuff’s pretty great as well,” Miu continued when Kokichi showed absolutely no signs of responding himself. “I really liked Hawk.”

“Oh! Thanks, yeah, a lot of people like that one. Although… you remember Kaede right? I honestly think she deserves the credit there, that whole thing wouldn’t have ever come together if she hadn’t put together that amazing soundtrack,” he started rambling, putting his hands in his pockets. “But, yeah… thanks.”

Kokichi absolutely hated that after five years of anticipating this day, should it ever happen, that now that it was finally happening, he hadn’t said a single word and was letting the most awkward silence of his life fall over the otherwise abandoned corridor. He was honestly just as shocked though that Shuichi hadn’t left and moved on yet; he must have had better things to do than talk _him_ , right?

Suddenly though, Shuichi let out a short sigh and frowned down at Kokichi. “I just really want to say sorry for letting us fall out of contact. Like I… I _never_ wanted that to happen. You were a good friend and I just let you fall of the map like an idiot.”

“What!? No!” Kokichi had blurted out before he had realised that he’d begun speaking. “No, I should have called or… or something. You would have been too busy to have time for something like that.”

“I should have _made_ time,” Shuichi insisted, hands balling into fists, clinging onto the hem of the jacket he was wearing. “You would have felt like I’d think you were only calling because I was getting attention. I should have done something, honestly, it’s completely my fault.”

“Don’t blame yourself, really.”

Shuichi then shook his head. “Look, why don’t… why don’t we catch up, then!” he suggested, a crooked, apologetic smile on his face. “We should get a drink or something.”

Kokichi nodded, shocked. “S-sure… when?”

“Well, um… I’m free now, if you are…”

“I’m not!” Miu suddenly spoke up. Kokichi nearly jumped out of his skin, having forgotten she was even there. “I need to go help Tsumugi, err… do her nails for a cosplay… yeah. That. Well, Kokichi _is_ free, so you guys go ahead. I’m sure we’ll get another chance to chat, eh Shuichi? Well then… I’ll be off. You two have fun.” And she ran away.

Kokichi looked after her, briefly stunned, before furrowing his brow and getting mad. “Miu, you skank, what the fuck are you doing!?”

She paused only at the very far end of the hall, where she looked pretty tiny, to yell back “HAVE FUN, ASSHOLE!” and then disappeared behind the wall, leaving Kokichi completely alone, no support or safety net whatsoever, with the man he could barely form a coherent sentence around for the intensity of his emotions.

“Um…” Shuichi started, head cocked but otherwise mostly amused. “I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t want to-”

“No! I mean yes. I mean… I’d like that,” he said, wrapping his arms around his chest from nerves. “Where do you want to go?”

Shuichi’s whole face lit up as he smiled at Kokichi’s assent to grabbing a drink. “It’s probably a bad idea to get one at the hotel lobby so… are you staying in the VIP suites?”

It took a lot for Kokichi not to break out into heavy sarcasm. He couldn’t hold back the scoff though. “ _Nooo_ , Miu and I aren’t _quite_ that popular.”

Thankfully Shuichi found the degrading humour amusing and shook his head. “I’m sure you will be one day. Anyway, it’s probably best if we either go up there or somewhere outside.”

Kokichi couldn’t care less as long as he was with the other and so shrugged. “Whichever.”

The other furrowed his brow in deliberation before shrugging too. “I’ll just take you upstairs then, it’s pretty private up there.”

“Y-yeah, okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I don't say it's the Hilton, it isn't.  
> Okay, so just a heads up, this convention stuff is going to be based a lot off of the one convention I went to, and it was pretty small so there will be a few... inconsistencies? I might come back to fix them but I honestly don't think it's that big a deal, the inner workings of the convention isn't really the point.  
> I've gotta say, I'm really surprised this got attention so quick? I mean, it was the first chapter, and I still think it was almost pointless (but I liked it so you got it).  
> I hope you like this chapter and thank you for reading! I appreciate your comments and support, and don't forget to tell me if you spot any issues!


	3. Chapter 3

Kokichi had never been in a place that looked quite as fairytale-esque as the VIP suites of the hotel.

It was a bit like what he thought a palace should look like, with paintings adorning every wall, flower arrangements placed every few metres, wooden floors so shiny he could see his own reflection under his feet.

Shuichi had led him through to a kind of bar area where a lot of people he recognised were sat about on expensive looking sofas. Their casual attire seemed to put the whole feel off, but the fact that these were people he idolised only added the feeling of him being some kind of hallucination. He tried to remember if he’d drunk anything Miu handed him recently.

“The bar looks pretty empty; do you want to sit up there?”

Kokichi shrugged. “Sure.”

He really wasn’t comfortable as he scrambled up onto the barstool next to Shuichi. Not only did he now feel foolish for being too short to properly get up onto a stool, his feet barely grazing the foot rest, but he was also surrounded by famous people and sat next to one of the biggest stars of his generation who, for some reason, looked really pleased to be in his company.

He was sure he was going to fuck _something_ up. Probably something major. He was even more certain of this as he managed to block out everything being said to him because he was too mesmerised by the sheer sight of the man before him, the way his dark hair hung in effortless perfection, framing his thin but youthful face, and how his eyes seemed to light up with such a huge array of subtle but powerful emotions as he spoke with the bartender.

Kokichi didn’t notice that he was being addressed until _after_ his staring had gotten awkward. “H-huh!? Oh, what?”

“You still like grape Fanta, right? I’m sorry, I just sort of ordered, is it alright?”

“That’s fine!” Kokichi frantically assured him. “I still like it!”

Shuichi appeared sufficiently contented and the worried expression dropped from his face. “Good. It’s just you used to drink it all the time. Guess I didn’t really think, y’know?”

“Well you must have been lying about watching our streams then, it’s all I ever drink!” Kokichi was rather surprised by how well he was composing himself, dropping the usual sort of spiel he’d always been infamous for. “Cans of it go flying about all the time! I’m surprised though, you were never one for such deceit Shuichi! It seems I left an effect on you after all!”

“I wasn’t lying!” Shuichi looked rather hurt. “I do watch your streams! They’re funny, and you guys are always about really late, so I watch them while I work into the ungodly hours of the morning.” The bartender set their drinks down then and promptly left them alone. “Lapse in memory I guess.”

Kokichi held the small glass of sparkling purple liquid, staring at his muddy reflection, seeing the insecurity flashing bright in his own eyes. He just hoped Shuichi didn’t notice.

With every second he spent with the other though, the more he realised just how little Shuichi had changed; it was astounding to him. He looked older, sure, but he was same still the person who’d hold an ice pack to Kokichi’s face every time he purposefully failed to catch a dodgeball, the same person who offered to tutor him in Spanish, the person who would always stand up for him when no one else even considered something might be an honest mistake. It all did nothing but further reaffirm his feelings, dragging him further into the quagmire of unrequited love.

He sighed and took a sip, feeling the popping of the liquid against his nose, wondering how much longer he had before Shuichi realised how good of a decision not calling had been and dismissed him.

“Anyway,” Shuichi spoke up, drawing Kokichi’s attention back. “How _have_ you been? I’m guessing a lot’s happened since school.”

Kokichi shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I mean… the YouTube thing was probably the most important. It’s takes up most of my time… That probably goes double for you.”

“I don’t quite know about that. We all do a lot in this line of work,” Shuichi reasoned, although Kokichi was pretty sure he was just being modest. He’d always been too considerate for his own good. “I mean, it’s just you and Miu, right? I have a whole team of people working with me, but you two have to do all that stuff yourself.”

“Stuff?” Kokichi repeated.

Shuichi stared down at him blankly. “Well… like managing sponsorship deals and merchandise and output of content. Not to mention that, for a channel like yours, monitoring the algorithm must a pain.” His expression shifted to a pitiful admiration. “You two do all of that yourselves, _just_ you two. And you still somehow have time to attend conventions and stream every other night.

It seemed completely ridiculous to Kokichi that anything he was doing could ever be more impressive that what Shuichi was, but he couldn’t really find the words to protest and sat there staring resolutely into his drink, feeling heat rising to his cheeks.

Eventually he managed to pull himself together and put together a coherent response. “W-well… we don’t really do _all_ of that. It’s not something we’ve taken all that seriously until recently. Plus, Tsumugi usually does the difficult shit. Lord knows Miu and I are completely incompetent.”

“Incompetent people don’t attract a fanbase of over two million.”

Kokichi just wished Shuichi would stop being so damn modest and admit that he was better; they both knew it anyway.

“Whatever,” he muttered.

They sat in silence, nursing their drinks for a moment, searching for things to say. Kokichi had known this would happen. He knew that without Miu he would completely lose any and all social skills he had ever picked up in the face of the one person who could reduce him to a blushing mess if provoked. And he didn’t even have to be there for that to happen. Yet now he _was_ there, and he had no fucking clue what to do about it.

For his part, Shuichi seemed to be desperately looking for something further to say, just as frustrated as Kokichi was that conversation wasn’t flowing as much as he may have hoped.

Taking the initiative, Kokichi started clumsily reaching for ice breakers. “You still, err… you work with some of the others, right?” At the mildly quizzical look Shuichi gave him, Kokichi elaborated. “Y’know, Kaede and Kaito and Rantarou and… um, yeah. Anyway, how are they doing?”

Understanding, Shuichi’s expression morphed into relieved joy. “Yes! Yeah, that’s right, they’re doing great.” He was positively delighted to have an easy subject to talk about and was able to go on about it for a while. From there, Kokichi thanked all deities that may exist that conversation seemed to come naturally from there, although never straying into any personal subjects; it was much easier not to have to talk about themselves.

The next hour and a half flew by rapidly, so fast that Kokichi found it hard to believe just how much time had passed before Shuichi got interrupted by a phone call.

After hanging up, he turned to Kokichi apologetically. “Turns out I have a panel in ten minutes.” He chuckled sheepishly as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. “It’s been a delight to see you again,” he said, getting to his feet. “I forgot how much fun it was to talk with you.”

Kokichi could feel his face growing annoyingly warm and fought to keep the blush down. “If you say so.”

“I _do_ say so,” Shuichi assured him. “Stop putting yourself down, seriously. You used to be so stubbornly self-assured.”

“I don’t think that attitude ever did me any good, really,” Kokichi mused, smiling nostalgically. “But whatever.” He too got to his feet and began to follow Shuichi out of the room.

Once they were in the elevator, Shuichi took his phone out again. “We should exchange numbers,” he stated holding the phone up. “I’ll call you later, we should hang out again tonight.”

Kokichi was a little taken aback. “R-really?”

“Really,” Shuichi repeated, cocking his head and smiling bemusedly. “Of course. Why not?”

“I just,” Kokichi began, pausing to search for words. “Surely, you’re busy or… or have other people demanding your attention?”

Shuichi rolled his eyes. “They can demand it all they like, but this is the first time I’ve seen you in half a decade. I…” he paused and looked down at his phone. “I want to spend time with you while I can. I mean, you live, like, a thousand miles away; who knows when I’ll get to see you again?”

Again, Kokichi was utterly stunned by the sheer honesty Shuichi was displaying. Not an ounce of Kokichi doubted that the other was speaking in complete earnest and, without really thinking about it, he took out his own phone and instantly complied.

A few seconds later Kokichi had a new number in his phonebook and the elevator doors opened onto the crowded lobby. Sound instantly poured into the small metal box and they both stepped out, instantly moving somewhere a bit quieter in hopes that they might be able to say goodbye without being disturbed.

“Are you especially busy today? When can I not call?” Shuichi asked.

“Err… we’ve got a meet and greet at half three, but, um… I should be free from about five onwards,” he replied, worrying unnecessarily that he was forgetting something.

“Brilliant!” he said, beaming. “Well, I’ll see you later then.”

Kokichi just dumbly nodded before Shuichi ran off in the direction of the main hall.

***

Miu found Kokichi sat in their hotel room staring blankly at the wall opposite his bed.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she asked him, rather untactfully.

In response, Kokichi just glared at her before burying his face in his knees.

“I’m serious. We have to be downstairs in, like, twenty minutes.” She stood staring at him for a few moments before climbing onto the bed by his feet, making herself unabashedly comfortable. “I thought you’d be fucking unbearable right now.” He still didn’t say anything, so she huffed and continued. “Did he ditch you?”

“No,” he mumbled into his legs. “The exact opposite.”

Miu furrowed her brow in confusion. “What?”

Kokichi groaned and sat up, glaring at her again. “He wants to meet up with me again tonight.”

She didn’t seem any less confused at that, although for different reasons. “Again, why aren’t you zipping about the room like a puppy on crack?"

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Kokichi narrowed his eyes at her, irritated. “I’ve been thinking about it for two hours and I still don’t know how the fuck I managed to get through _five seconds_ without making him hate me, let alone ninety goddamn minutes. So, how am I supposed to survive an entire evening without… without _puking_ or… or spontaneously combusting?”

“Kokichi,” Miu said, seriously. “You need to calm down.”

“ _I know that_ ,” he snapped. “Why do you think I locked myself in here for two hours?”

She rolled her eyes. “And how was stewing in your own thoughts supposed to calm you down at all?” she asked, starting to get fed up. “Last time you did that I had to intercept you on your way to committing arson.”

He averted his eyes, embarrassed, and drew his knees back up to his chin. “Well then what do _you_ think I should do ‘Freud’?”

“I think you should have been doing _something,_ ” she replied, although Kokichi seemed thoroughly unimpressed. “Y’know, to distract yourself. You’re smart, so, like, your thoughts are your biggest weakness, or whatever.” She shrugged and glanced down at her nails briefly, grimacing and looking over at her messy pile of luggage. “You always overthink shit and end up worrying yourself into a ditch. Seriously, relationships aren’t like your hairbrained schemes, you can’t think about them for hours to make sure they’re perfect.” She paused when she spotted her nail kit and leapt off of the bed with a soft grunt. “People are unpredictable, you can’t… what was it? ‘Control all the variants’ or whatever it is you say.”

“Variables,” he dryly corrected her.

“I don’t give a shit,” she sang back, pulling open the zip on a little blue bag and pulling out a tiny bottle of nail polish. “My point is that you need to just _go_ with it.” She sat down on her own bed, which was next to Kokichi’s, and started fixing whatever it was she was unhappy with. “Trust me, Shuichi used to really like hanging out with you, like, _really_ like hanging out with you. And if he could put up with you then, he’ll probably like you even more _now_. I mean, you were _un-fucking-bearable_ in high school. In comparison you’re a goddamned saint now.”

Kokichi stared at her disbelievingly for a second. “Did you just say something… _intelligent?!_ ” he asked, shocked.

She threw a pillow at him. “Fuck off!”

He laughed and tossed it back so that it landed on the neat bedsheets. He supposed she was _sort of_ correct, even if he’d never properly acknowledge it to anyone else in the world.

Sighing and accepting that yeah, maybe he should do something to distract himself until the judgement hour, Kokichi got to his feet and moved to grab his hoodie from where he’d draped it over a chair stationed in front of the vanity Miu hadn’t wasted two seconds in littering with her crap.

“Welp, wanna get something to eat before the meet and greet?”

She looked up at him and grinned. “Yeah, sure. Just gimme a sec.”

“I’m not going to wait for you to whore yourself up.”

“Would you pack it the fuck in, you dick-thirsty cuck?”

He just giggled and left the room, ignoring her protesting behind him, waiting in the hall for her to join him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone mentioned it in the comments of the last chapter so I thought I should mention it here too, but Shuichi having the channel that he does wasn't ideal but I did a bunch of research about the biggest channels and they were all either comedy vloggers, high production channels or gamers, so i gave Shuichi a production company made up of other dr characters.  
> Also i must again ask you to excuse my inconsistencies about the convention setting, I didn't pay it too much mind, if it's distracting I'll try to fix it.  
> If you have any other queries do tell, I read them all and I'm trying to respond to all of them too. Your help with the grammar is highly appreciated btw, keep it coming!  
> I hope you enjoyed reading, see you guys tomorrow for the last chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

Hanging out with Miu hadn’t necessarily taken his thoughts off of what he considered his impending doom, it was still there, lurking in the crevices of his mind, but it had helped him to stop devoting thoughts to it. He wasn’t actively worrying about it and it made the subsequent three hours bearable.

It was about six when Shuichi eventually called. Kokichi had been dragged around the main convention centre by Miu and Tsumugi after the meet and greet ended, and when his phone began to buzz in his pocket they both got inordinately excited.

Their spirits were a little put out once they understood the gist of the call. It seemed Shuichi would be occupied for another hour at least and he’d felt bad making Kokichi wait so had called ahead. Instead, he’d suggested he order an excessive amount of Chinese takeaway and they could share it while hanging out, to which Kokichi had agreed, finding himself unable to articulate much.

“Well, at least he still seems determined to see you,” Miu pointed out. “It’s not like he was bailing or anything.”

Tsumugi was, in a rather backwards way, delighted. “But he called because he didn’t want you to worry! So, he definitely cares about _your_ feelings in the matter,” she stated, beaming and starry eyed.

“He just cares too much in general,” Kokichi refuted, rolling his eyes. “He’d do it with anyone, so don’t you go suggesting what I think you're trying to suggest,” he added, prodding his finger in her direction accusatorily, “because you’re _wrong_.”

“Well how do you know!” she whined, pouting. “You don’t know what he’s thinking.”

“Do you?” he returned.

She muttered something unintelligible under her breath and pointedly walked off in a seemingly random direction, not looking back to see if he and Miu were following, which they were.

Miu was highly amused. “You shouldn’t go crushing her stupid gay dreams like that y’know,” she advised him, unable to keep from grinning stupidly, obviously wanting to laugh. “She’s delicate, like a butterfly. She can’t handle it.”

“I’ll crush whichever of her little fantasies include me, thank you very fucking much.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept following Tsumugi through the crowds with a sneaking suspicion she wasn’t telling him something, her ramblings looking more frustrated than upset. He wasn’t about to ask though, he didn’t want to know about whatever she may have deluded herself into believing.

Another hour later, all three of them were talking about heading back up to their hotel room when Kokichi’s phone went off again, this time just a text asking to meet him in the hotel lobby.

“Do you want us to walk over with you or are we too embarrassing?” Miu asked, smirking.

“You two are _way_ too embarrassing,” Kokichi stated, putting his phone away. “You’ll probably say something dumb and make him hate us all. So…I err… I’ll be fine. On my own.” He didn’t sound like he believed what he was saying at all. “Yeah, just peachy. I’m definitely not going to mess this up.”

Miu snorted and patted him on the shoulder. “If you’re sure then.” Then she leant in and whispered, “Go get ‘im tiger.”

He scowled and flipped her off before storming from the convention hall. As he stepped out of the hall through and proceeded across the street, though, an increasing sense of impending doom began to pool in the pit of his stomach as his mind raced through all of the worst possible ways the rest of his day could go. He’d been so engrossed in his worry, convincing himself not to bolt for the nearest airport, however, that he didn’t realise he hadn’t given himself any time to mentally prepare until he was inside the hotel and looking at Shuichi, who was leaning against a pillar with a bulging plastic bag in hand.

The other quickly caught sight of Kokichi and waved him over. “Sorry to make you wait,” Shuichi apologised as Kokichi approached. “I thought I’d be able to get away sooner than this.”

“It’s fine,” Kokichi brushed it off, smiling rather meekly. “You’re here now, that’s all that really matters.”

Shuichi looked at him oddly for a second before shrugging. “I guess. As long as you’re okay with it.” He turned to glance at the elevators. “My room?”

Kokichi was momentarily confused before he realised what Shuichi was asking. “Oh! Yes. If that’s alright. My room’s littered with girl crap and… sewing thread. Tsumugi knows how to make herself at home.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Shuichi replied, smiling amusedly. “I’m surprised the girls would let you room with them, though,” he commented, leading the way to the elevators and calling for one. “All the girls I know are really sensitive about that stuff.”

“Not those two.” Kokichi sighed as he stepped into the empty metal box. “I mean, I _live_ with Miu, and she has no qualms whatsoever with parading about butt-naked in front of me.” He shuddered at the memory. “That truly is… unfortunate. But Tsumugi’s always asking for help getting dressed for cosplay things, so, I don’t think she really cares about that anymore either. Besides, they both know I’m too gay to try anything.”

Shuichi chuckled. “It’s rare to have friends who trust you that much though,” he remarked. “You’re very lucky.”

He shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. “I guess so,” he agreed. “I don’t think I really deserve them.”

They were interrupted when the doors opened again, and they made their way over to another elevator which could only be summoned by a keycard, of which Shuichi owned one. Soon enough they were walking through another fancy hallway until Shuichi stopped in front of a door identical to the others and opened it.

Shuichi’s hotel room was definitely nicer than Kokichi’s, that was for sure. It was about double the size and had only one bed in it, which seemed rather ridiculous and a tad unfair. It probably cost a lot more to stay there, but Kokichi chose to ignore that fact. Shuichi though seemed rather embarrassed the disproportionate size of the room.

“I err, I would have roomed with someone else, but the others are all staying with their partners and the only other single person on the team couldn’t come. You don’t… you don’t know him.”

Kokichi shrugged.

The other looked around, standing dumbly for a moment, scratching his neck, before leaping back into movement. “Well, it’s late enough as it is, shall we eat?”

The two of them sat on the floor and spread the food out around them, eating straight out of the boxes with chopsticks Shuichi had picked up at the takeout place. From the start it looked like finishing it all would be a lost cause, and that wasn’t a wrong assumption, but they got close, sitting for hours, just picking away at it into the night. It was quite late when Kokichi finally put down a box of sweet and sour, giving in.

“Holy shit, we’ve gotten weak,” he lamented, looking around at the boxes that still had food in them.

“We ate quite a lot, I wouldn’t call it _weak_.”

“Screw that, we could have gotten through more than double this when we were eighteen. Weak I say!” he exclaimed, throwing the chopsticks at the bin and missing by at least a metre. He watched them, betrayed, as they skittered across the floor and wall with pathetic little patters of plastic. “Well fuck you guys.”

Shuichi laughed and began stacking the boxes that were empty, tossing them into the bag he’d brought them in. “You’d better pick those up.”

“Later. They must lay in limbo as punishment for their crimes.”

“Whatever you say, your honour,” Shuichi yielded, playing along.

Kokichi watched as Shuichi moved about the floor on his hands and knees, cleaning up a little and shunting the waste to the side. “Are you sure there wasn’t something else you should have been doing tonight?”

Taken aback, Shuichi paused and looked up, furrowing his brow. “I wouldn’t have sat with you all night if I did. It’s too late now anyway.”

“No, really.”

They stared at each other for a moment before Shuichi rolled his eyes and conceded. “There was a party at the bar across the street, but I didn’t want to go anyway. My time was far better spent up here with you than out there watching everyone around me get drunk.” He looked down a moment, grimacing. “Although I do hope Kaito doesn’t manage to get his teeth knocked out.”

“Why, is that a habit of his?” Kokichi asked, half-jokingly.

“Unfortunately,” Shuichi replied sombrely. “Last year he managed to get a guy so mad he dislocated his jaw with a single punch.” He sighed and shook his head. “He can be an angry drunk sometimes, it really is infuriating.” Then he turned and smiled brightly at Kokichi. “But that doesn’t matter, because tonight,” he paused to sit back down next to Kokichi, having tossed the bag away from them, “I’m here. With you. He’s Maki’s problem tonight.” He paused again to look down at Kokichi, gaze uneasy. “But why are you worrying about that so much? Do _you_ not want to be here?”

Kokichi’s eyes went wide with panic at those words. “No, no, no! Of course, I want to be here! I wouldn’t have agreed if I didn’t!”

The doubt didn’t fade from Shuichi’s expression though, if anything it grew worse. “Then why do you keep asking _me_ if I should be somewhere else? Do you think I should? Do you think I don’t want to be here?”

A little guilty, Kokichi lowered his gaze and turned away. That was all the answer Shuichi really needed.

His face fell. “Why on Earth would you think that?”

Kokichi shrugged.

That didn’t help, Shuichi just got more upset. “Since when have you been so insecure? You were the most confident person I knew! I just don’t understand why you’d ever think I _wouldn’t_ want to spend time with you. I’ve regretted losing contact with you almost every day for the last five years, why won’t you believe me?!”

This was the absolute last thing Kokichi had wanted. He curled in on himself and shifted away from Shuichi, resolutely not looking at him, not wanting to confront him, worried he’d say something to make the whole situation worse.

Shuichi kept staring at Kokichi imploringly, feeling uncomfortable being so irate towards him, although failing to make actual eye contact. Getting further frustrated though, he continued desperately. “Don’t tell me this has something to do with the fact that you like me, does it?!”

The blood in Kokichi’s veins instantly ran sluggish and cold as time came to a halt around him. A sickening dread began to rise from the pit of his stomach, tendrils of ice wrapping around his soul and squeezing until his vision started to spot. He suddenly felt very weak and positively terrified.

He was stuck in place for only half a second though, as the sound of Shuichi breathing in to say something else alone had him on his feet and rushing towards the door, leaving the other momentarily stunned behind him.

Just as he had wrapped his hand around the door handle though, he felt Shuichi latch onto his other arm and pull him back.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

“Leaving,” he muttered curtly, turning back to leave again.

As his hand landed back on the handle though, Shuichi threw his own hand on top of Kokichi’s to stop him. When their skin made contact Kokichi ripped his hand away and stumbled back as if he’d been burned. He looked up at Shuichi with wide, frightened eyes, and stumbled back, looking much like a rabbit caught defenceless in the headlights.

Shuichi was watching him carefully, concern etched across his face, worried that any sudden movement might set him off again. “Are you…” he started, speaking very softly, “Are you afraid of me?” he asked, stunned.

He didn’t answer.

“Why?”

Kokichi grit his teeth and quickly averted his gaze, wondering how on earth he could ever get out of this. But the utterly heart-shattered look in Shuichi’s eyes as he stared at him, confused and hurt, only made it that much worse, and he could feel the emotions that had been festering within him for well over a decade rise up and explode out of him desperately like limp fireworks.

“You just… you wouldn’t understand,” he bit out, voice small and throat dry. “You don’t know what it’s like to…” He paused looking for the right words. In the end he just sighed and did his best to meet Shuichi’s eyes. “I’ve been in love with you since middle school, though I guess you already knew that,” he mumbled bitterly before sighing and looking back up. “I know it’s stupid. I know it’s dumb and unrealistic, but I’ve just never been able to get over you, even _after_ we graduated. I’ve just been stewing in this for so goddamn long knowing that you’ll _never_ feel the same.”

He paused for breath, sheer awkwardness preventing him from looking away. “When you… when we lost contact, I thought that maybe I could fucking move on, but I just couldn’t. And then you started YouTube and got huge and then suddenly you were absolutely everywhere again and have been ever since. A-and while I found it nigh fucking impossible to avoid seeing you mentioned on the internet, I still _tried_. And now, after five years, I thought that if I saw you again, in person, I might be completely disenchanted or… or something, but no! No, you’re still goddamn perfect and wonderful and everything I’ve always loved you for.

“But someone like you, someone so positively flawless, can’t spend time with delusional filth like me. When I started going to conventions, I was sure that if we ever met again it would just be common pleasantries and you’d instantly go off to talk to the people who are worthy of your attention, but you _wanted_ to spend time with me. You insisted that we should talk, that you _wanted_ to be around me. You shouldn’t be here, you should be doing something worth your time with people who are worth something.”

Kokichi’s breath caught in his throat for a second and he looked away, clenching his fists by his side and trying to find the right words “But now… now you know and… and you’re supposed to hate me! Or… or anything! But you’ve known this _whole_ time and you just… ignored it! You knew, and you still spent the whole evening with me, you’ve been acting as if everything’s fucking dandy, but it’s not.” He grimaced and shook his head, looking up at the other beseechingly. “I just can’t handle any of this now, okay? And frankly, I just want to go down to my hotel room and… and cry into my pillow until the sun rises or some shit. So,” he took a deep breath, “would you _please_ move out of the way and let me leave?”

A heavy silence fell over them as they maintained uncomfortable eye contact, Kokichi feeling too awkward to drop his gaze, the sudden burst of courage quickly fading and leaving him feeling far too vulnerable. Shuichi was staggered by what was said and Kokichi watched warily as the other processed the information, desperately looking for an opportunity to bolt, but Shuichi made no move to get out of the way.

“ _Do_ something!” Kokichi yelled, self-conscious agitation overwhelming him. “Please… _anything!_ Say something, or move so I can leave, but don’t just stand-”

But Kokichi was very suddenly interrupted as Shuichi had stepped forward and kissed him.

Kokichi had gone as rigid as a plank of wood. He had no idea what was happening. Had he passed out? Was he dreaming right now? Had dreamed everything? He couldn’t comprehend what was going on, because in no reality would Shuichi Saihara ever actually _kiss_ him. Would he?

Shuichi pulled away, scanning Kokichi’s stunned face with apprehension.

“What was that?” Kokichi squeaked, staring up at him unblinkingly.

“You told me to do something,” Shuichi protested, flustered. “So… so I kissed you.”

“Why!?”

Shuichi shrugged jerkily, face painted in alarm. “I panicked.”

“So, you _kissed_ me?!”

He shrugged again, holding his hands up in distressed confusion. “Y-yeah, I guess so.”

“But why!?” Kokichi couldn’t quite believe that in a situation where the person he’d been pining after for as long as he could remember had just kissed him, he was now yelling in a dazed state of emotional chaos, asking _why_ he had done it and not trying to accept that it had happened.

“Because I love you too, and… and I just can’t stand the idea that you think of yourself this way, so I panicked. It seemed like the best course of action at the time, but I’m starting to think you didn’t want me to.”

Kokichi deflated then, letting that sink in, staring up at Shuichi dumbly. “You… _love_ me?”

The other also deflated and shrunk back. “Well… yeah.” He nodded, averting his gaze, face blossoming a deep red. “Yeah, I do...” He sighed and looked down at the floor. “I thought... Like you, I thought that maybe I might realise how silly I’ve been, hanging onto this for so stupidly long, when I saw you again… But…”

He scuffed his feet on the carpet, socks catching on the fibres. “A few months ago, I saw… you know, the stream where Miu… Honestly, at the time I thought it may have been a dream or something and then this morning I had a couple of free hours and you were doing your panel so I thought I might sneak backstage to watch and then… well you said what you said...” He chuckled nervously. “At that point I figured that I probably _hadn’t_ dreamt the stream thing…” Shuichi sighed and scratched at his neck, smiling sheepishly. “I thought you hadn’t called because you didn’t want to see me again, but that was apparently _very_ wrong and well, um… While I’m at it I guess I’ll also admit that running into you earlier wasn’t really an accident. I err… I hung about hoping I’d get to see you… and I’m glad I did. So, um, while I didn’t… put myself down quite as much as you have, I guess I do know how it feels to… y’know.”

“Really?” Kokichi asked in a disbelieving whisper so quiet it was almost just exhalation.

Shuichi nodded. “Yeah… I’ve… well I’ve never been as creative a liar as you are.”

Kokichi could feel his own face starting to go pink. God, he’d been wrong about so fucking much it was unbelievable. He’d been a complete fucking idiot. “If only this confrontation had happened five years ago, huh?” he ventured, laughing weakly but letting it drop pretty quick, still watching Shuichi as he shyly toed the floor.

Not quite knowing where the courage came from, Kokichi tentatively stepped forwards and reached out to take one of Shuichi’s tense, clenched fists in his own hand, prying it open so he could weave their fingers together.

Shuichi started and looked up apprehensively.

Squeezing the other’s hand gently in his own, Kokichi grinned up at him bashfully. “Could we possibly try that kiss again?” he asked feeling his face grow even hotter and dreading what sort of mess he must look like. “I promise I won’t yell at you this time,” he mumbled. “And I’ll, um… I’ll react, I guess. Like, I’ll do it back. Honest.”

After a moment of silence, Kokichi feeling the shallow puffs of breath from Shuichi’s nose falling onto his face, the warmth of Shuichi’s palm clutched against his own and the returning dread that grew heavier with every passing second that he might change his mind, Shuichi slowly bent down until he’d pressed his lips against Kokichi’s.

This time, when he wasn’t shocked, when he wasn’t angry and scared, when he was ready, when he was expecting it, when he was as nervous as he was giddy, time halted again. Except now blood was racing through his body at the speed of light, his heart throbbing like crazy, head going dizzy with pure joy and wonder.

Shuichi’s lips were chapped and a little bit cold and he tasted vaguely of the Chinese food still discarded over the floor, but Kokichi couldn’t imaging a better feeling than the other’s mouth over his.

He could feel Shuichi’s hand let go of his and wrap around his waist, pulling Kokichi closer so they were pressed up against one another and then pulling him closer still, just to make sure there was nothing but the thin fabric of their t-shirts separating them. Kokichi lifted his own hands to cup Shuichi’s face, trailing back until they were in his hair, soft locks tangled around his fingers.

After an eternity of bliss Kokichi never wanted to end, they eventually had to part to breathe, neither at all experienced in what they were trying to do. They didn’t care though, it was all as wonderful as they’d ever imagined.

They stared at each other, too engrossed in one another to register the stench of soy sauce on their breaths.

Kokichi gulped and smiled awkwardly, averting his eyes. “Thanks,” he muttered. “I think that was pretty much what I was going for.

But Shuichi hadn’t loosened his grip around Kokichi’s waist, still holding him tightly. He moved his head to catch Kokichi’s gaze again. “I really do love you,” he said, voice soft and bursting with so much warmth and affection it could have melted ice.

“Okay,” Kokichi replied, dazed by the intensity of Shuichi’s words. “I believe you.”

Shuichi beamed, gently pressing their foreheads together, letting their noses clumsily bump against one another. “Good… Does that mean I can kiss you again?”

“ _Please_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that's it! I felt the end was a bit convenient when writing it, it was better in my head (*/▽＼*) But that's mainly because I took the idea a hell of a lot further up there amongst the cobwebs in my mind. Though fluff is fluff I suppose.  
> Anyway, that does actually mean that I have a lot of ideas about additional chapters which I hope to put in at some point. As my A-Level season is literally starting tomorrow (basically the British equivalent of high school finals), I can see writing short extra chapters (like reveal to the internet, dealing with a long distance relationship and maybe even a Shuichi POV, of the same time period these four chapters covered) as being a good way to de-stress if I need it, and even then, I'm going to need something to do for two almost empty summer months sooo, yeah, I hope that's going to happen. And if not that, a whole different other fic most definitely (I'm a good quarter of the way into the sequel for hot summer night if you've read it)  
> I also really appreciate all of your comments and support and I feel a bit like the ending shouldn't be so disappointing, but as long as you guys had fun, that's really all that matters!  
> Don't forget to correct my crappy grammar (that's so helpful you don't understand) and that I love you beautiful bastards (wink wink) so much. Stay glorious!


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn’t a rare occurrence that Shuichi found himself working into the wee hours of the morning, staring at a dull computer monitor in the dark. He was often working on scripts or writing emails or whatever, and while he often found it rewarding (earning a living doing something you love could never be anything but), he occasionally found it to be arduous. Not to mention that it was difficult to get anything done at 5am when you’ve already been sleep deprived for weeks on end.

He’d been staring at a word document for the last three hours, trying to force himself to keep writing while desperately fighting the sleep threatening to overcome him, and only barely accomplishing the latter. Realising that he was probably a lost cause and should almost certainly go to sleep before he ended up passing out at his desk (he didn’t think his back could handle another night of that), he pushed away from the desk, his chair rolling stiffly over the carpet of his office. Shuichi stretched and turned to look blankly out of the window, scowling when he saw the sky paling from black to blue and the very first few rays of the morning sun threatening to spill over the city skyline.

He was distracted from his tired bitterness when a faint yell suddenly hit his ears. Shuichi blinked, puzzled, and looked around for where it came from. His eyes landed on his tablet, hidden under a fallen pile of papers, glowing faintly and making almost non-existent sounds through his headphones which had apparently fallen out of his ears at some point. After gathering up the papers and restacking them, Shuichi stared down at the tablet, expression instantly softening.

Shuichi turned off his computer, picked up the the tablet and stood, putting the headphones back into his ears as he padded out of the office and across the hall to collapse on his bed, the voices of three people ringing enthusiastically about his eardrums.

It had been about a year since Shuichi had begun religiously watching Dice livestreams, and it was for a reason he couldn’t lie to himself about: he was in love with one of the hosts.

It wasn’t some celebrity crush or fanatical, unfounded obsession; he’d known the host, Kokichi Ouma, for most of his life, and it was only recently that they’d fallen out of contact (if you counted half a decade as ‘recently’). Shuichi had been about sixteen when he’d realised just how important Kokichi had been to him, and he had no idea just how long he’d felt that way before then. He’d continued to be hopelessly smitten ever since. They’d grown up alongside one another, they’d been through a lot together, Shuichi had known Kokichi longer than he’d known his best friends, and it was on this basis that he considered his ardent affections completely rational.

It was the part where they’d gone five years without any contact on which he considered them increasingly _irrational_ though.

He’d never intended to lose contact with Kokichi. In fact, he’d been incredibly averse to the idea, but it had happened nonetheless. He’d simply been too awkward to call or text or anything. And then time as stretched on and the other didn’t call him either, he started to worry that Kokichi simply didn’t _want_ to speak with him, leaving Shuichi to wonder whether he’d been completely misreading him for so many years. He didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t help but conclude that to be the only logical explanation.

Things were as they were though, and there was little Shuichi could really do about it without making an utter fool out of himself, and so he settled for pining uselessly.

He lay in bed, still fully clothed, as he watched, desperately fending off the urge to pass into a state of blissful unconsciousness so he could keep staring at the purple haired boy, a change the other had made appearance-wise after they stopped talking, something Shuichi found rather amusing as Kokichi had ridiculed other people, especially Kaito, to no end about it in the past.

Shuichi eventually dropped the tablet on the pillow next to his head and stared groggily up at the ceiling, listening to the incessant bickering in his ears. He had almost dozed off though when his attention was abruptly pulled back to the stream by something he hadn’t expected in a million years: his own name.

Sure, Shuichi himself was one of the biggest names on YouTube, a fact he absolutely despised bringing up because he always became deeply embarrassed about it, but he’d never heard his name turn up on their streams before and couldn’t think of any reason they might.

Immediately after it caught his attention though, he was thoroughly startled by the piercing shriek that invaded and rattled his brain, making him leap for the volume controls to save himself before his ears began to bleed.

Once he believed it safe to begin listening again, he refocused on Miu’s voice, which was back to bearable frequencies. What she said next though had him thinking that maybe the sheer shock of the sound had sent him insane, because there was no way he was really hearing this.

“Kokichi would kill them both and possibly everyone else in the world in a heartbeat if it meant he could fuck and subsequently marry Shuichi Saihara.”

 _No_. He had to be imagining it, right? None of this could be real? But it continued and she kept saying things he couldn’t possibly fool himself in to believing to be true.

“You’ve been in love with this boy since middle school!”

Shuichi didn’t quite know how long he was staring blankly down at his bedsheets, failing to comprehend what he’d just heard. When he came back to his muddled senses the screen was black and the stream had apparently come to an end, leaving him sitting in the dark, confused.

Slowly, because his mind was running at a mile a minute and not going anywhere, Shuichi pulled the buds from his ears and dropped them and his tablet onto the floor by his bed. He then fell face first onto his pillow and stared into the white fabric, trying his best to form a comprehensive thought. That lasted all of about five seconds though, as by that point he was so mentally and physically exhausted that, instead of letting him sort out the turmoil he’d fallen into, his consciousness gave up on him completely and he’d blacked out.

***

When he finally woke up again, his bedroom was still dark. Shuichi blinked the sleep from his eyes and slowly pushed himself up onto his elbows. He didn’t remember getting under the covers, and he didn’t remember closing the curtains either, which were glowing faintly with dimming sunlight. Looking over at the clock on his bedside, he saw it was already evening.

His stomach let out a loud growl, so he swung his legs over the side of the bed and got to his feet, plodding out of his room. The clanking of metal pans instantly met Shuichi’s ears once he stepped out into the hall. He furrowed his brow and made his way to the kitchen, poking his head around the door.

“I thought I took your key away?”

The man stood in his kitchen turned around to look at him, expression cheerful. “I got another copy made. You wouldn’t function if I didn’t keep a constant eye on you.” He held up a large pan. “I made pasta.”

Shuichi sighed defeatedly. “Thanks, Kaito.”

He moved to sit at the breakfast bar, pulling himself up onto the stool, shivering as his bare feet touched the cold metal foot rest. He smiled appreciatively as Kaito put a large bowl of pasta down in front of him before taking the seat next to him.

“What time didja go to bed then?” Kaito asked, grinning and cocking his eyebrow.

Shuichi chuckled sheepishly and stared down at his food. “I’d err… I’d guess about… five?”

“Dude.” Kaito put down his fork and shot him a dirty look. “ _No_.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but not everyone can have a perfect sleep schedule like you.” Shuichi stabbed the pasta and shoved it into his mouth, ignoring the sauce he could feel splash on his face.

“There’s a difference between having a decent sleep schedule and going to bed before the sun rises, dude,” Kaito protested, shaking his head. “It’s unhealthy. You’re gonna get sick and… and start _hallucinating_ or something.”

Shuichi knew that Kaito was just joking a little, but it didn’t stop fuzzy, sleep deprived memories from coming back to him. He frowned, thinking hard and trying to decipher as to whether or not the fuzzy memories from that morning were real or not. Surely something that bizarre, that impossible, something that seemed so entrenched in his blind desire-ridden dreams, had to have been just that, a dream. Surely?

Noticing Shuichi had fallen into silent meditation, Kaito spoke up. “S’matter?” he asked through a mouthful of tomato passata and spaghetti.

That definitely shook Shuichi out of his thoughts, and he blinked blankly, looking over at Kaito. “Oh… nothing, nothing. Just… thinking.”

“’bout?” Kaito further prodded, accidentally spitting red sauce across the counter. His hand flew to cover his mouth, and he laughed. “Sorry, mate. But yeah, what about?”

Shuichi shook his head again. “Really, it’s nothing. I just… I just had a weird dream last night. Don’t worry about it.”

Kaito watched him dubiously for a moment or so before his expression morphed into a teasing smirk. “It was about Kokichi, wasn’t it?”

All the food in Shuichi had just put into his mouth sprayed across the counter top. “What!?” he yelled, voice rising several octaves. “NO! No. No, it wasn’t. What the hell are you talking about?”

However, Kaito was too busy laughing to answer. Shuichi pouted and got to his feet, reaching for the roll of kitchen paper that sat by the sink so he could clean up the half-chewed food now staining the granite.

“I think I hit that nail on the head,” Kaito said after calming down, watching as Shuichi wiped at the table top with a wry smile plastered lazily over his face. “You must have fallen asleep watching the stream again.”

Shuichi shrugged and threw the saturated towels in the bin, reaching for a wash cloth. “If you didn’t notice, I do that a lot,” he remarked bitterly, scrubbing at the remaining tomato juice stains. “And what of it?” he retorted, “We both know it’s stupid. Do you have anything _else_ to add to the conversation? A conversation we’ve been having for _years_?” He glared at his friend, challenging him to say something.

Like the foolhardy person who doesn’t really care about the consequences he is though, Kaito didn’t think twice before opening his mouth. “I’m just saying, as I know I’ve said before, it’s not like you can’t just… say hi, or something. It’s the internet, Shuichi, old friends catch up all the time.”

In response, Shuichi rolled his eyes and threw the wet cloth back at the sink, not caring when he heard it splat against the wall and then into the sink with a metallic thud. “And I’m still saying that I _can’t_ do that because it’s dumb and I don’t want to.”

Kaito chuckled and put his fork back in his bowl. “Suit yourself, but you’re the only one who’s getting hurt, y’know.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shuichi conceded, sitting back down and staring down into his now cool pasta. “I know.”

He tried to remember more about the details from that dream, but he couldn’t remember much aside from that his feelings were miraculously requited. But that alone made him shrug it off as wishful thinking. It was insane, nonsensical, something that only an idiot like Shuichi could ever be capable of. Because never, in a million years, would Kokichi Ouma be in love with him, ever or still.

***

Shuichi had been a complete mess since he’d parted from Kokichi just over two hours ago. He’d done his best to stay alert throughout the panel he’d just sat on, but he’d been endlessly distracted and spacey throughout the whole thing, head buzzing with frantic memories and confused attempts at reasoning.

He felt rather guilty about it. His fans had come to see him, and he’d been otherwise occupied when they should have had his full attention, but he just couldn’t _stop_ thinking about it.

Did Kokichi actually _like_ him?

It was a ludicrous concept to Shuichi a few hundred other people had also heard it, so, he couldn’t deny what he’d heard anymore.

Despite all of that, all of this wonderful, incredible news, this one thing that changed absolutely _everything_ , he had no idea what the hell he should do about any of it.

And his friends hadn’t been any help.

“You just need to be direct,” Kaede said, looking earnestly at Shuichi across the small table they sat at in a small area reserved for guests. “You should tell him. I mean, this is an opportunity you’d be an idiot to miss!”

“Yeah, and he’d be too thick to understand if you didn’t just say it to his face,” Kaito added, talking around his burger.

Shuichi and Kaede looked up at him, unimpressed.

“Oh, come on! Yeah, he was insufferably intelligent, but a stubborn fuck like him isn’t going to accept something he’s been digging himself into a ditch about for so goddamn long,” he reasoned, cheeks puffed out like a hamster as he spat little bits of food all over the place.

Kaede pulled a disgusted face and held out a tissue, forcing it into his free hand. “I have to say though, Kaito does have a point.”

“Of course, I do!”

She ignored him and continued. “I mean, we haven’t spoken with him in a _long_ time. If he’d really been stewing in it for that long, we have no idea in what way he could have convinced himself about all of this, let alone whether he’s changed.” She frowned and looked down. “I really think just being honest and direct is the way to go. I mean, doesn’t he still live in Seattle? That’s a _thousand_ miles away from us.”

“The internet exists, Kaede,” Shuichi pointed out, although he completely understood where she was going with it.

“And we both know that you’d never have a conversation like that over it,” she rebuked, glaring at him. “I just don’t get why you don’t want to do it. You already know your feelings are requited, what do you have to lose?”

Shuichi looked down at his hands silently.

“ _Shuichi_ ,” Kaede prompted, leaning forward, “why won’t you just do it? You’ll have the perfect opportunity tonight!”

He sighed and shook his head. “You didn’t see… he seemed so uncomfortable around me, y’know?” Shuichi lifted his gaze to meet hers. “It was like he didn’t want to be there. And he kept asking why _I_ was there and if I had better places to be. I feel like dumping something like that on him would just be too sudden. And… and what if the whole discomfort thing wasn’t because he was nervous but because he realised that I wasn’t worth it or something… I mean, I thought I might realise I’d been silly and that he’d changed when I met him again. W-what if _I’m_ too different and he realised he didn’t like _me_ anymore? Then I would just be ruining absolutely everything! It would be a disaster!”

“Dude, _chill_ ,” Kaito exclaimed, patting him on the back. “You’re overthinking this! Seriously.”

“No, I’m not!” Shuichi protested, turning to him, brows knit in worry. “This isn’t _just_ asking someone out, this is more important than that! This is telling someone you’re in love with them after you haven’t spoken to them in over _five years_!”

Shuichi was abruptly cut off then by the sound of someone gasping very loudly.

The three of them looked between each other for a second, all equally confused, until they looked up and saw someone else who’d stopped dead in front of their table and was staring at Shuichi with pure, unadulterated excitement.

Ice cold dread shot down Shuichi’s spine like a bullet.

“I’m sorry…” Kaede started, the first to break the silence. “But who are you?”

However, Kaede’s initiative had managed to kickstart Shuichi’s brain back into gear and he leapt to his feet. “You can’t tell him!” he yelped and lurched to clamp his hands down on their shoulders. “Please, you _cannot_ say anything to him about this. Please, Tsumugi, you just can’t!”

Kaito and Kaede were both surprised that Shuichi knew who she was, but Tsumugi seemed rather flattered. “You know who I am?!”

Shuichi awkwardly removed his hands from her shoulders and stepped back a bit. “Well… yeah, of course I do.” He shook his head and got back on topic. “Anyway, promise me you won’t tell him. Kokichi can’t know, he just _can’t_ ,” he repeated desperately.

“But why?” she asked, looking extremely disappointed. “He’d be so happy.” Then she seemed to realise what she’d just said and looked embarrassed. “I mean… it’s not like he’d be upset or anything.”

“Wait, she knows Kokichi?” Kaito said dumbly.

Rolling his eyes, Shuichi slumped back into his chair. “Yes, Kaito,” he answered. “But that’s really not the priority at the moment.”

“I’d beg to differ!” Kaede protested, standing up herself. “If she knows Kokichi _now,_ then I think her opinion would be invaluable!” The look Shuichi gave her in response could have sliced a concrete building in half. Still though, she didn’t back down. “Really, Shuichi, if you’re not going to anything about this, I am. This is your happiness we’re talking about.” Then she turned to Tsumugi. “Would you mind helping us?”

Tsumugi seemed delightedly baffled and nodded. “Maybe?!” she said peppily, and she perched in the empty seat next to Kaede. “What do you need? I’m going to assume this is about Kokichi.”

“Shuichi says that he heard that Kokichi likes him romantically. Is this _really_ true? He always lied a lot in high school.”

Startled by so direct a question, Tsumugi looked warily between Kaede and Shuichi for a moment. “Well… yes…” She then looked aside. After a few seconds, she nodded to herself and met Kaede’s eyes again. “Yes, he does. A lot, from what I’ve gathered.”

Kaede sighed in relief and turned to Shuichi. “See? I told you! You have nothing to worry about.”

“Can I just,” Tsumugi interrupted quietly, “You’re basically saying his feelings are requited, yes?”

Shuichi nodded.

“We’re trying to get him to tell Kokichi that, but he’s wussing out,” Kaito explained, elbowing Shuichi teasingly. “He’s been hung up on him for too damn long, it’s painful.”

Tsumugi chuckled quietly before letting her expression fall. “Well… you should probably be aware that Kokichi is very sensitive about… _this._ ” She paused and stared at Shuichi for a while. “While Miu knows a lot more about it than me, I can probably guess that if you told him, he flat out wouldn’t believe you,” she stated seriously, looking down at her hands and frowning. “Either that or he’d panic and think he’s hallucinating or dreaming or had passed out. You should _definitely_ tell him,” she reaffirmed leaning forward and fixing him with an earnest look. “Just be careful. Being too direct might spook him if he’s in the wrong state of mind.”

“Then how _do_ I get him in the right state of mind?” Shuichi asked, desperate for advice by this point.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. As I said, if you’re going to ask anyone it would be Miu. She knows him better than anyone. But if I had to guess, I’d say just make sure he’s comfortable. He tends to go along with pretty much anything if he’s happy, which usually coincides with how much he’s eaten. Especially confectionary. Although I’d just go with what you already know about him, you’ve known him a lot longer than I have.”

That really didn’t help Shuichi much. How as he supposed to know how to get him happy? Kokichi had always been impossible to read at the best of times, and he hadn’t spent nearly enough time with him that day to gauge what was appropriate.

At that point though, Tsumugi jumped a little and reached for her phone. “Oh good, she found him.” She then looked up to Shuichi and smiled. “I’ve actually got to go. We have a thing, and Miu finally found Kokichi hiding in our room. It seems you really did a number on him,” she joked, getting to her feet. “I hope I could help somewhat, and it was a pleasure to meet you all.” She started to leave but had only taken two steps before she turned back. “Just so you know, we leave tomorrow afternoon, and I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to keep this secret too long after we get home.” And with an apologetic smile, she hurried off.

“She seemed nice,” Kaede commented. “I would never have thought Kokichi could attract someone so… normal.”

Kaito began laughing at that, but Shuichi was still trapped inside his own head, trying to figure out how the hell he was supposed to do this in twenty-four hours. It was the sort of situation he’d have rather had a good three weeks or so to plan, especially for one that was so sensitive.

He was suddenly snapped out of his frantic thoughts by Kaede waving her hand in his face. She smiled at him encouragingly. “Look, Shuichi, you love him, right?”

Shuichi nodded, confused. “Well… yeah, more than anything. That’s why we have this problem.”

She chuckled and shook her head. “Then just make sure he knows that. If anyone can put emotions like that into words, it’s you. So stop worrying so much.”

He let what she said sink in for a second before nodding. “Yeah… okay.”

He could do that much, surely?

***

Shuichi knew he was going to be tired come morning. He knew that Kaito was going to be mad at him again for staying up so late on what was supposed to be an almost-holiday. He knew that the next day was going to be hell to get through. But he really couldn’t care, not when he had his face buried in soft purple hair, which still smelled vaguely of chemicals, and the one person he cared about more than anything else in the world cradled in his arms.

Kokichi had long fallen asleep, exhausted but peaceful, slumped against Shuichi as they’d opted to spend the rest of night watching random films on Shuichi’s bed. Shuichi, however, had found himself much too enthralled with his situation to fall asleep, and having spent the past hour or so admiring the young man in his arms.

He’d been dreaming of this moment for years, and now he was frustrated it had taken so long to get to it because there was really nothing quite like it. He never wanted it to end really, he never wanted Kokichi to be anywhere but with him from that moment forward. He knew that was unrealistic; they both had to go home at some point. But while he could, he was enjoying himself: running his fingers through the other’s hair, holding him close, indulging in the feeling of even puffs of breath against his collarbone.

It seemed so silly to him now, how much he’d been worrying earlier. Now that it all was done. He supposed Tsumugi _had_ been right, the situation had certainly been delicate… until they started yelling at each other, but everything had seemed to fall into place then. And now, here he was, in his own personal paradise.

Kokichi then shifted a little, curling up further and mumbling something unintelligible in his sleep, nuzzling his face further into Shuichi’s chest.

Sighing contentedly, Shuichi gently pulled the other so that they were lying down, heads on or near enough to the pillows. He was almost worried about falling asleep, that maybe if he did he’d wake up to find none of this was real and he’d simply dreamt the whole thing. But Kokichi felt so _real_ under him, so solid and alive that it was difficult to think that way for long, especially when sleep was calling for him so loud it was practically yelling at him to “go the fuck to sleep.”

After closing his eyes, it was only a matter of seconds before he fell into unconsciousness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Shuichi POV! So this one came first because I thought it was easier for some reason (probably because I prefer writing from Shuichi's POV in general). I want to do more little extras soon and those will probably take us back to Kokichi's POV, but I don't know when they will happen because I apparently did too much writing and my body's now retaliating in the form of swollen hand tendons, ╮(￣～￣)╭, so the extras won't be /too/ soon, but I'll post them as soon as I write them (unlike my bigger fics which I feel obliged to finish before posting)  
> Also, much more importantly, I need to thank the beautiful megastarstrike for beta-ing this chapter for me. Dear GOD was that helpful! There was so much BS in this that I would have missed. They're amazing and get all the love!  
> I hope this was okay and that you guys enjoyed reading it. Leave any suggestions for further exploration of the AU too! I'd love to hear what you guys want to see; because, from I can tell, you guys seem to like this au a lot and I'd love to provide more if you want to read it!  
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me using extensions to an old fic as a means to procrastinate another fic. Isn't this just fucking typical.

After the initial morning rush, the hotel lobby had become considerably quieter. Once the convention centre opened, queues already forming for the morning panels and various booths, most of the people who would have reason to be in the hotel had become otherwise engaged. Kokichi, Miu and Tsumugi, on the other hand, were still occupying the room, spread eagle over the fancy chairs and sofas as they waited for the cab that would whisk them off to the airport.

While Kokichi and Tsumugi were browsing on their phones though, Miu was doing nothing except glaring at Kokichi, her right eye twitching now and again.

Ever since he’d snuck back into their hotel room that morning to get packed and ready to leave, she’d been probing for him for details as to the events of the previous night. He hadn’t returned until after the sun had risen and he’d had a dopey smile on his face all day, so she could only assume the best. But, like the vindictive and spiteful little shit he was, Kokichi had refused to say anything on the matter, enjoying how having no sure information on the matter made Miu squirm.

Tsumugi had given up after the first ten minutes, having complete and utter confidence that she knew what had happened. She figured she could wait until they were back in Seattle before breaking out the torture equipment.

But Miu, much to Kokichi’s satisfaction, had only gotten more and more frustrated at how silent the person who was supposedly her best friend had been on the matter. One might have thought this was something she would be used to after almost a decade, but somehow it never got any less infuriating. And so, she’d been staring at him like a crazy homeless lady high on bath salts or something, waiting for him to finally crack under her forceful gaze.

He didn’t.

Fortunately for Miu’s health and reputation though, their taxi had showed up before long.

“If you keep making that face, it’ll stick that way,” Kokichi teased , smirking at her as he pocketed his phone. “Well, then again, anything would look better than how your face normally is.”

Miu squawked and snatched up her bags. “At least people actually _like_ looking at me either way!”

“Would you two hurry up before the driver gives up on us and leaves?” Tsumugi begged them, grunting with the effort of moving her own bag in which neither of them would have been surprised to find an anvil.

Complying for Tsumugi’s sake, Miu grumbled and got on with the task, first to reach the vehicle and load in her bags.

It took a herculean team effort from the three of them as well as the taxi driver to lift Tsumugi’s bag into the boot, the whole car’s weight shifting as it dropped in with a thud. From there, it wasn’t long before the girls had climbed inside as well.

Kokichi, however, was hanging on the still open rear door, head swivelling around frantically, scanning the street for something.

“Would you hurry your gay ass up, so we can get home. I’d rather _not_ miss the stupid flight,” Miu complained, leaning over all the rear seats to try pull Kokichi in by the front of his shirt. Kokichi remained steadfast though, not budging from where his feet had rooted into the concrete pavement.

The gruff driver turned around his seat to face Kokichi too, a small frown that looked like it had never once left his face since he escaped his mother’s womb dragging the corners of his mouth down. “Yeah, sir, I’m gonna hafta ask you to hurry it up. The longer you waste your time, the less I get paid.”

“See assface!” Miu whined, still tugging on his t-shirt. “We need to _go_.”

“Oh, wait a second.” Kokichi waved them off, expression turning a little more desperate.

Then, to his relief and delight, he finally saw what he was looking for. Sprinting out of the convention hall across the street, came Shuichi. He reached them in a matter of seconds, panting and leaning on the roof of the car. “Thank goodness, I thought I was going to miss you there.”

“Well you’re here now.”

Shuichi nodded and stood up straight, catching his breath. “I just couldn’t get Kaito to shut up. I ended up running out on him mid-sentence. I’m going to have some questions to answer later, I can tell you.” But then a sombre smile graced his face. "Are you sure you can't stay another night?”

Kokichi shook his head regretfully and rolled his eyes. “I’m the reason we have to go back early. Typical, isn’t it?” He sighed before wrapping his arms around Shuichi’s shoulders and hugging him in a way he was begging looked platonic. “I’ll call you as soon as I land,” he promised. “And then we’re going to set a date for you to visit.”

“Two weeks,” Shuichi said, nodding. “I’m pretty sure I can come in two weeks’ time.”

He'd waited most of his life to be with Shuichi, what was another two weeks? Torture, that's what.

In that moment though, knowing now that his feelings had been requited all this time, Kokichi wished so intensely that he could kiss Shuichi goodbye that he was sure he was in danger of exploding. He’d had the pleasure that morning, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to do it again. If only they weren’t in public.

“Anyway, um… have a safe flight.”

“Shuichi, you know that’s completely out of my control,” Kokichi reprimanded him in a desperate attempt to control his raging emotions. “I’ll make sure that the pilots know what stakes are riding on their performance though. We wouldn’t want to come short of your expectations.”

The sound of Shuichi’s laughter sent warm shivers down Kokichi’s spine. _‘I love you’_ Shuichi mouthed, smiling gently and squeezing his shoulder.

With no further excuses to hang around other than pissing of the driver, Kokichi sank into the car, closing the door and waving at Shuichi through the dirty window.

He didn’t look away until Shuichi’s figure had disappeared around a corner. Turning back to his friends though, he was met by two pairs of wide eyes. Both girls looked ecstatic.

The ear-splitting squeal that instantly followed almost made the cab driver crash, but none of the passengers cared. All three of them felt no need to withhold their joy.

***

Kokichi didn’t quite know how he’d managed to freak himself out enough that he’d ended up at the airport more than half an hour before Shuichi’s plane landed, but he had. He’d spent that time nursing a sickeningly sweet abomination of a drink that the barista receiving the order had felt it a crime to unleash onto the already jittery child of a man he was serving.

With his poison in hand, Kokichi had sat alone at a table, watching the time tick by so slowly he could have run a marathon in the time it took a single second to pass. Desperate for something to do, he’d continuously switched back and forth between Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram, never surprised when little had changed about them, but somehow still, without fail, angry and disappointed.

Eventually though, after what felt like several lifetimes of restless trepidation had passed, the moment that the arrivals board flickered to read ’19.23, LOS ANGELES, LANDED’ came to pass.

As soon as those words flashed across his gaze, Kokichi’s breath hitched. He’d been excited and nervous and giddy and terrified for the past few days about this very moment, but right then, his mind had gone blank of all information aside from _he’s actually here._

Kokichi stared at the noticeboard dumbly for a while, incapable of doing much else until the large crowd of people filtering through from the luggage collection hall broke his daze. Now alert, he scrambled to his feet, nearly kicking his chair over in the rush, snatched his belongings up from the table and made a dash out of the café.

Swerving through the throng of people migrating towards the exit and reuniting with friends and family, Kokichi did his best to find a vantage point. In the end he gave up and chose to stand on a bench, scanning the passing heads for the one he was dying to see more than anything.

However, as more and more people trickled through, the airport becoming less and less busy, no matter how hard he looked, Shuichi simply wasn’t there.

With each passing minute, Kokichi’s anxiety became harder to ignore. Had he got the time wrong? Was he supposed to be coming on a different day? Had Shuichi boarded the wrong plane? Had there been a delay in his real flight? Or, worst of all, had Shuichi decided against coming at the last minute?

Now Kokichi was beginning to worry.

He climbed down from the bench, no longer needing a height advantage to see past the now non-existent crowd. He looked around, eyes casting over the hall desperately, wondering if he’d missed him.

Kokichi bounced edgily on the balls of his feet, chewing on his thumbnail and frantically checking his phone to make sure he hadn’t missed any messages.

Once the hall had become all but empty of leaving passengers, a new wave of people looking to pick up those on the next flights arriving in their stead, right as Kokichi’s doubt had just about reached the point of pure belief: there he was. Small suitcase trundling along behind him, Shuichi finally emerged from the baggage claim, flanked by two excited young women.

Within the instant, every ounce of unease had been replaced with amused understanding.

It quickly dawned on Kokichi that, if he didn’t intervene, he’d probably be waiting around for another ten minutes at the very least considering how long the fans had already held Shuichi up. And while that need for interference may have been partially motivated by jealousy, if Kokichi didn’t confront it, he didn’t have to accept it as truth. Besides, he reminded himself with swelling pride as he prepared his best ‘brotherly’ persona, he was allowed to feel that way now. 

“Yo! Shuichi!” he called in a tone he hoped failed to betray his overwhelming excitement.

The three of them turned to look in his direction. While the girls’ looks of curiosity completely evaded Kokichi’s notice, the delighted smile that split across Shuichi’s face almost made him lose his composure entirely.

Just managing to maintain it as he approached though, he chuckled quietly. “I’ve haven't seen you three seconds and you’re already picking up chicks.

The affronted look Shuichi’s smile snapped to _did_ make Kokichi lose his composure and he loudly snorted into his hand. “Kidding, kidding,” hesaid, holding his hands out. “But in all seriousness, I’ve got Uncle Darren waiting outside. Judging by his texts, he’s getting a bit antsy.”

A quite ‘oh’ passed by Shuichi’s lips as he pieced together what was happening. He faltered for only a second before responding. “I didn’t think I’d get to see Darren until Sunday.”

Kokichi could practically feel himself fall harder in love.

“Yeah, he wanted to see you soon as,” Kokichi said with a shrug. “So, you ready or do you three want some more time alone.”

Shuichi narrowed his eyes in irritation before turning back to his fans. Now armed with the perfect excuse, Shuichi managed to slip away and was walking out of the airport entrance with Kokichi moments later.

“You didn’t have to tease me so much,” he complained, cheeks tinted pink with lingering frustration.

“I know I didn’t, but it was more fun that way.” Kokichi snickered at the glare he received in reply. “Regardless, I thought it all made it look less obvious that we’re together as opposed to... I don't know, cousins or something,” he reasoned.

Shuichi sighed and fell silent for a second.

“I um… I’m sorry making you wait though,” he apologised, sounding guilty. “I can find it difficult to escape situations like that.”

“I know, it’s no biggie.” Kokichi may have accidentally on purpose forgotten to mention that he had the exact same problem, although for wildly different reasons. “When I left, Miu and Tsum-Tsum were in the middle of an argument over a video game they stream when I’m not around. Trust me, the longer I’m away, the safer I am.”

An excited look then rose to Shuichi’s face, eyes lighting up so much they were luminescent. “I’ll actually get to see you guys stream in person!” he exclaimed, elated, although for reasons Kokichi didn’t think he could even begin to comprehend.

“It’s nothing impressive,” he muttered. “I mean, I’m sure it’s no different to any other stream.”

“Well maybe,” Shuichi conceded, the faintest ghost of a pout in his voice. “But Dice streams aren’t just any steams. To me at least. I haven’t missed a single one in seven months after all.”

Kokichi’s face burned hot red at that, almost dropping his keys as he fished them out of his pocket. Without a doubt, the fact that Shuichi watched his show as religiously as Kokichi watched his wasn’t just flattering, it was heart-stopping.

He pulled ahead and made a beeline for his car in hopes of giving himself time to search for a suitable response. He held the passenger-side door open for Shuichi. “W-well, I, err... I certainly hope we don’t disappoint you.

“Oh, I have complete faith that you couldn’t even if you tried,” the other reassured as he climbed in and threw his duffle bag onto the back seat, still completely oblivious as to the turmoil he was throwing Kokichi into with his praise. “In my eyes, nothing you could ever do would be anything short of brilliant.”

Now completely at a loss for words and sure that a suitable response to _that_ couldn’t feasibly exist, Kokichi opted for simply closing the door and hoping the subject would change. He was certain that, if it didn’t, he’d probably end up crashing and killing them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... While I planned to add to this back when I first finished it I a) didn't expect it to take this long and b) honestly gave up on it happening after a while. Like I just looked at an old draft the other night and was like, hey, I shouldn't let this go to waste. So here we are.  
> Also that summary is true as shit, I'm putting off two other things rn, and what makes things worse is that one's a collab, like Jesus Christ, I am awful. (that should hopefully be out soon btw, fingers crossed)  
> Anyway, I decided that I would put this out because it's been three months since I've posted anything and I miss the validation (*/ω＼) please judge me, I deserve it. Which is why the next chapter will not be tomorrow like normal. I have this thing written up by hand, I just need to type it up. If things go according to plan, though, expect the next upload on Tuesday or Wednesday.  
> Anyway... yeah, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and look forward to the next one. Your comments are always a joy to read.  
> (Oh and on that note, for anyone who left a comment on the MovieAU fic back in June, I cannot apologise enough for making empty promises about replies. I may have acted a bit like a jackass, but I still appreciated everything you said and I love you all. So really, I'm sorry)


	7. Chapter 7

“Holy fucking _balls_ , it smells like an angel took a dump in here!” Miu exclaimed rather ineloquently. She also seemed to think that the entire building needed to know, as she was so loud it likely slipped right through the soundproofing they’d installed once the complaints had gotten out of hand.

Shuichi, unused to Miu’s many sudden, loud and often vulgar entrances after so long, jumped at the outburst, nearly falling off of the stool he as perched on by the stove.

Kokichi and Tsumugi didn’t so much as flinch.

“I’m going to assume that’s a compliment?” Shuichi said uncertainly.

“You had goddamned _better_ ,” Miu assured him in a rather unassuring way. She pushed through the haywire maze of cables, cameras and lights in a struggle to pull her grocery bags over to the kitchenette. “Since when did you get good so at cooking?” she asked, dumping her bags on the island so she could jab her finger in at him. “I mean, you’re the guy who set fire to boiled eggs.”

Chuckling sheepishly, Shuichi scratched the back of his neck, rather glad the other two hadn’t heard, or at least didn’t care, about that. It was a memory better left forgotten. “When Kaito moved in with Maki a few years ago, he signed me up for cooking lessons. He realised I’d starve within a week if I didn’t learn how.”

Miu nodded approvingly, bending over so her face was level with the oven, taking a large whiff of the mouth-watering aroma wafting out of it. “What is it?”

“Bourguignon.”

The expectant look in Miu’s eyes definitely did _not_ wash into understanding.

“It’s a fancy French beef stew. I like it because you can forget about it for a few hours. I only put it on half an hour ago though, so we still have while yet.”

That time Miu did understand. She turned and planted her hands on Shuichi’s shoulders and stared unnervingly into his eyes. “Thank you for falling for my twat of a best friend. The smell of your cooking is easily better than sex.”

For Miu, that was a very heartfelt statement.

The sheer sincerity of it wasn’t lost on Shuichi as he squirmed beneath her intense gaze. “I, um… I’m glad you… that you feel that way.”

“Stop flirting with my boyfriend and help us set up!” Kokichi called over from the living room. He and Tsumugi were making the final preparations for the stream that would go live in the next ten minutes. While his desire for help was genuine, the stink eye he was sending had little to do it.

Soon after that, they’d gone live.

This particular livestream hadn’t been especially different to any other. The only differences were the heavenly scent hanging in the air, and the overly excited Shuichi watching them from where was sat at the island. He was _supposed_ to be trying to get some work done, but he was far too distracted and entertained to have a hope of focusing.

The three hosts of DiceTV got on with business as usual, at least, they did for the first hour or so.

Eventually the smell became too much for Miu to bare. Her stomach had been grumbling since they’d started. She wanted _food_. And she wanted it _now_.

Kokichi had hammered it into her head since sunrise that under no circumstances was Shuichi to be mentioned on camera, lest she forget what happened last time she forgot to keep a secret. (She’d argued that all of Kokichi’s gay little dreams had come true, but he impertinently ignored it.) She was only to even pay him attention unless it was _absolutely_ necessary.

But this wasn’t just necessary, this was life and death. At least, so Miu justified it.

“Oi, Watson!” she called over at the kitchen. Three heads turned to look at her. “Yeah, you, dipshit,” she confirmed when Shuichi pointed at himself. “When’s that fuckin’ food gonna be done? I’m _starving_.”

Kokichi… could have been angrier.

She’d done it again, something he’d explicitly told her not to do. This time though, she’d at least demonstrated a little more tact than when she half-drunkenly yelled his darkest secret at the internet. She’d even dug out an old nickname none of them had used since the first year of high school.

That was why, instead of blowing his top, he slouched in his chair and glared at her.

Shuichi glanced over to the oven timer. “Five minutes?”

“Get the fuck in.” Miu expressed her joy with only the most silver of tongues. What with the smell that made them feel like Tantalus invading their nostrils though, Kokichi and Tsumugi couldn’t help but feel the same way.

As promised, their dinner had been served minutes later and they’d taken a break to properly enjoy it. Upon returning to the public though, none of them were exactly surprised to find the chat flooded with questions and speculations as to who this ‘Watson’ was.

“For fuck’s sake, guys, jeez,” Miu sighed rolling her eyes. “He’s just a friend from out of town.” She’d have been thoroughly pissed off had she spent nine years around Kokichi and not picked up at least _something_ of his lying talents.

“A friend who happens to be a fantastic cook,” Tsumugi supported her claim, scrolling through the chat’s backlog.

Kokichi stretched out languidly in his chair, buzzed by his full belly and the flustered smile that had snuck its way onto Shuichi’s face at the compliment. “And, no, we’re not bringing him on camera. Or even telling you guys his name. So, don’t even ask, we value our guests’ privacy,” he added, linking his fingers behind his head. “He’ll have to remain as ‘Mystery Man X’ for eternity.”

Of course, more questions about the mystery guest flooded in throughout the rest of the night. They all went unanswered. It seemed that this would be a mystery it would take the internet a long time to solve.

***

Despite how futile any and all efforts were, Kokichi was almost as talented at keeping secrets as he was at lying, the internet refused to not at least _theorise_ about the identity of ‘Mystery Man X’ and his true relation to the hosts.

Unfortunately, at least in Kokichi’s opinion, the following week, during another otherwise innocuous stream of Mario Kart, the name had been upgraded.

“Oh _Kokichi!_ ” Tsumugi was almost yelling in angry desperation. “Would you _hurry the fuck up_!?” She was holding her joycon so tightly that it was in real danger of crumbling to pieces. “I know you’re stalling! _You_ know that I’m about to break your winning streak!” She leapt up off of the sofa so that her face had gone out of frame. “So get your stupid, gay gremlin _ass_ over here and face your fate!”

Miu, who was still slouched on the couch, mimed wiping a tear from her eye. “How they grow up so fast.”

From the other side of the room, where he was stood looking over Shuichi’s shoulder, Kokichi laughed. “But I like it over here,” he protested, wrapping his arms loosely around his boyfriend's shoulders and leaning on his back. “Anyway, I haven’t lost in four years, and I’m not going to lose tonight, so I don’t know where you got that ludicrous idea from.”

Seeing Tsumugi so riled up like this was a rare sight indeed, even for the two people who she considered her closest friends.

And for Kokichi, this was downright thrilling.

Savouring the moment as much as was possible, he continued to stand there and drape himself over Shuichi, planting the occasional peck to his forehead.

Shuichi himself had been doing his best to ignore the situation altogether, desperately trying to proofread his latest script so he could send it off for his team to approve before he left Seattle the following week.

Eventually though, Tsumugi got so frustrated that she short-circuited, her brain-to-mouth filter shutting down for moment. “If you would ever so kindly stop making out with your boyfriend for a solitary _second_ , we could finish this and let you fuck off for as long as you want!”

It took a while for Tsumugi to register exactly what she’d said and where she’d said it. Kokichi registered it immediately.

 _That_ had managed to get him to stand up straight and back on camera.

When she did realise what had happened, she clapped her hand to her mouth so hard the room filled with an audible slap. “Oh my god, I… Kokichi I…” Her voice was so saturated with regret it had dripped onto the floor and begun staining the carpet. “I’m so _so…_ ”

Kokichi held a finger up and instantly silenced her. “It doesn’t matter, let’s finish.”

He couldn’t bring himself to blame Tsumugi when the fault was completely his own for riling her up so much. He’d later discover anyway that, much like last time, it wasn’t _nearly_ as significant an issue as it had felt at the time.

The match was quickly won. By Kokichi. And in the result, Tsumugi’s renewed outrage and utter bafflement had erased any tension that had been present.

Despite all the people on (and behind) the camera quite quickly brushing the incident off though, the internet had had other ideas.

DiceTV fans had not only found out more information about ‘Mystery Man X’, information they would soon find difficult to come across, but information saying that this mysterious person was _Kokichi’s significant other_.

Naturally, that small portion of the internet had decided that it was now their lives’ mission to find out _who_ this person was.

And so, commenced ‘the hunt for Mystery Boyfriend X’

***

"What on earth are you talking about?” Shuichi asked, brows furrowed in concerned confusion. “This trip has been great.”

Kokichi sighed and shook his head. “Literally everything I told you wouldn’t happen on this trip, happened.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leant against the wall. “It was a _disaster_.”

By what Kokichi believed must have been some sort of miracle, Shuichi simply smiled. “Don’t be silly. I don’t care about any of that.” He set his bags back down on the guest bed an moved over to engulf Kokichi in a hug. “I got to see you again, didn’t I? That’s all that mattered.”

Too embarrassed to do much else, Kokichi buried his face into Shuichi’s chest, hoping that other couldn’t see his current resemblance to a neon pink nightclub sign. “You’re too good for me.”

Kokichi felt the other's chest rumble beneath his cheek with gentle laughter. “I think that about you sometimes too…” he assured Kokichi, threading his fingers through plumb coloured hair.

Then he paused, holding the smaller man close for a moment.

“I really wish I didn’t have to go.”

Kokichi nodded and muttered his agreement into the scratchy fabric of Shuichi’s shirt. “You should move here… or we could go live in the mountains or something.” He nuzzled his face against Shuichi, basking in the scent of slightly musky but otherwise clean laundry. “Then we wouldn’t have to deal with the internet, or the fact that you live a thousand miles away, or Miu’s ugly face or…”

“As nice as that sounds,” Shuichi interrupted him, standing back and tenderly cupping Kokichi’s face in his hands. “We have to put a pin in that idea for now. Otherwise, I’m going to have to board this flight without properly kissing you goodbye.”

This time, it didn’t matter what Kokichi did, he never would have been able to hide his blush. He didn’t have to though, as Shuichi’s face was the exact same shade of red. In spite of his confident, bordering on suave words, it was obvious that it had taken just about every ounce of Shuichi’s courage to spit that out as well as he had.

Unable to help himself, Kokichi flung himself at Shuichi. His arms knotted around Shuichi’s neck and their lips locked in a kiss that wasn’t so much passionate as it was desperate and longing and sad, but still overflowing with love and sincerity and a whole truckload of emotions neither of them understood yet.

As all good things eventually have to do though, Shuichi’s trip to Seattle had to end.

An hour and a half later they’d said their final goodbye’s at the airport and Kokichi had to drive home with only his thoughts for company. Quite fortunately though, instead of more depressing things, they were completely overtaken by anticipation for the moment Shuichi would call after landing.

The call hadn’t been quite what Kokichi had built up in his head. Fantasising about hearing Shuichi’s voice again had paled in comparison to the real thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's kinda late where I am and there's this fic I wanna read before I go to sleep so I'm just gonna post this with the minimal editing. I'm sorry. (I did proof read it *and* put it through an editor but I'd normally go through it another three times at least) But it does mean that I'll appreciate it if you guys would point out any glaring errors!  
> I don't know about the next chapter... if all goes to plan and I'm not an asshole on the train home and actually write something instead of staring blankly out of a window I'll hopefully have it up Friday night. Fingers crossed I suppose!  
> Thanks for you guys' comments too, it's nice to know that my selfish efforts are actually appreciated. I love you guys!


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey, Kokichi?”

Kokichi turned around, hand outstretched towards the milk. “Yeah?”

He and Shuichi were stood in the middle of an all but abandoned supermarket. The sky outside was a murky blue, covered in the smog and light pollution one would expect at night in a large city like Seattle. It was quiet, the only sounds being the faint buzzing of the lights hanging overhead, the barely audible conversations of the night-shift cashiers at the front of the store and the loud humming of the freezers dumping wave after wave of cold air on their faces.

“Um… I was thinking…”

“Careful there Shuichi, that’s dangerous.”

Shuichi rolled his eyes as Kokichi snickered and dropped the milk into the shopping cart. “No, seriously.”

“I’m _super_ serious!” he protested, grinning. “You’ve seen what it’s done to Miu! She _thought_ it was a good idea to try and invent a machine that would make pancakes while she sleeps, and she almost burnt our building to a crisp. Thrice!” Then he muttered “I don’t know where she gets the time, but still…”

The other shook his head, pushing the cart as Kokichi wandered further down the aisle. “Would you please listen? This is important.”

Kokichi had to fight his smile from slipping. There was a vague fear itching at the back of his mind, a fear that was always there, which had just spiked to painful as Shuichi’s voice dropped with an air of gravity. He knew he was being silly, as his unwarranted low self-esteem often was, but he always got anxious whenever Shuichi wanted to be serious. Especially when it was as out of the blue as this.

“Okay, shoot,” he replied, a little too curt, not turning around and continuing into the next aisle, hoping to be able to stare at the wall of juice for five minutes instead of at Shuichi.

Neither of them said anything for a moment, although from the way the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, he knew Shuichi was staring at his back. “What’s wrong?” Shuichi finally asked, voice laced with suspicion.

“Hmm? Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all! What was it you wanted to talk about?” He turned to flash the other a too wide smile before snapping back around to pretend to look for the obscure juice Tsumugi liked.

He could hear Shuichi and move away from the cart. A second later he appeared in Kokichi’s peripheral, bending down to pick the off-yellow fruit juice from the bottom shelf. The bottle was thrust into Kokichi’s hands as he was turned around and forced to look Shuichi in the face. He looked a tad irritated, and Kokichi shrank under his gaze.

“It’s nothing bad, you don’t need to worry or anything.”

Naturally, this did nothing to make Kokichi feel any better. If anything, it made it look _worse_ as, knowing the jig was up, Kokichi dropped any semblance of his usual cheeriness in favour of a small, defeated frown. “What is it then?”

Shuichi rolled his eyes and chuckled, taking the juice back from Kokichi and throwing it carelessly into the trolley. “I just thought that…” he began, looking at the floor before planting his hands on Kokichi’s shoulders and looking at him in a way that was almost excited. “I want to tell our… our fans… about, y’know, about _us_ ,” he admitted.

Kokichi could practically feel his jaw smack against the linoleum. “B-but,” he stuttered, struggling for words. “We… we’ve only been… We’ve only been together eight months. I thought we said-”

“I know, I know.” Shuichi cut him off. “And I get it if you still want to wait but…” He took a deep gulp of air before continuing. “I want to be able to go out with you without worrying we’re going to be recognised or something. I want to be able to see you more. I want to be on streams with you, to be involved in the most important part of your life because… well, because _you’re_ the most important part of _my_ life. I want everyone to know how lucky I am and how much you mean to me… ‘Cause, I love you and… and that’s all that matters. I’ve never cared what anyone else thinks.”

With each word that fell from Shuichi's lips, Kokichi’s face grew hotter and hotter. He could barely believe his ears. He’d never expected Shuichi would want to take such a huge leap in their relationship _ever_ , let alone so soon.

“And I know that it’s your choice; if either of us is going to be affected by it, it’s going to be you. But I still want you to know that I’m happy to do it whenever. You call the shot.” The grip on Kokichi’s shoulders grew tighter as Shuichi’s expression grew more concerned. “I’m proud to have you in my life and you must _never_ think you’d be dragging me down or whatever if we made this, _us_ , public. Okay?”

Kokichi gulped hard and blinked up at Shuichi, at a complete and utter loss for words. He watched as Shuichi became uncomfortable in the lingering silence, waiting patiently for Kokichi to respond.

Eventually though, Kokichi managed to kick his brain back into gear and leapt and Shuichi, latching his arms around the other’s neck and venting his emotions by squeezing hard enough to suffocate.

Staggering back to stop them from toppling over, it took a Shuichi a second to reciprocate the hug, tenderly running his hand up and down Kokichi’s back. “Can I take that as a positive response?” he asked in a small voice that betrayed his shortness of breath.

“Well duh, _dumbass_ ,” Kokichi mumbled into Shuichi’s shoulder. “After a speech like that I’d have to be a heartless bastard not to be over the fucking moon.”

Shuichi laughed and squeezed Kokichi back. “Good, I’m glad.”

Finally letting Shuichi breathe again, Kokichi pulled away to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Anyway, we’d better finish before the ice cream melts.” He reluctantly broke away and moved to stand behind the shopping cart. “And for the record, you’re the most important part of my life too.” And with a great push, he’d flown off down the aisle.

***

The cameras and lights were all set up and the computers were buzzing with life, awaiting the moment they’d be needed. Everything was in order for the stream to go off without a hitch. And yet Kokichi was pulling his hair out.

Miu fell in to the desk chair next to his, looking at him with a smug grin. “I haven’t seen you like this in ages.” She snorted. “It’s great.”

It was telling of just how out of it Kokichi was that he didn’t react. No quips or a scowl, he didn’t even turn to look at her.

Tsumugi, on the other hand, looked concerned. “You know, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she said, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I mean, it is quite soon.”

“ _No_ , we’re doing this tonight,” Kokichi snapped, suddenly holding very still. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down and shook his head. “I’m fine, I’m fine… I’ll be more fine when Shuichi gets back, but I’m fine. Just… just fine.”

The two women looked at him dubiously, and then at each other, silently agreeing that whatever Kokichi was, he definitely wasn’t _fine._

Time was ticking closer and closer to six o’clock, and the three of them were beginning to realise that they may have to start the stream without Shuichi there, something that seemed not only counterproductive, but also impossible. They may have been his closest friends, but Miu and Tsumugi doubted that either of them would ever be able to calm down Kokichi when he was _this_ nerve wracked.

When there was all of about thirty seconds left until air though, when the girls were becoming worried that Kokichi might begin hyperventilating or something, the front door slammed open and Shuichi hurtled through it, panting like he’d just run a mile. “The… the bus was late and… and then there was traffic and then… please tell me you haven’t started.”

Miu looked over at the clock on the wall. “You have ten seconds.”

Ignoring everything else though, Kokichi had vaulted out of his seat and sped across the room, slamming into Shuichi with the force of a small freight train, winding him completely. “You stupid idiot!” He punctuated each word by slamming his forehead against Shuichi’s chest. “What if I’d had to start this without you!?”

Behind him, Miu and Tsumugi had been forced to begin as the clock ticked over. They were welcoming the audience to the stream, thanking them for tuning in, etcetera.

Shuichi sighed, steadily catching his breath, and threaded shaky fingers through Kokichi’s hair. “Well, now you don’t have to,” he whispered, partly because he didn’t want to be picked up by the microphones, but primarily because he physically couldn’t speak any louder. “If you let me take my coat off, we can get it over with.”

Pulling away, Kokichi finally keyed into what the girls were saying.

“We actually have a big announcement to make today!”

“Yeah, so you bastards had better buckle in and think of grandma, because we’re going to blow you guys so hard your dicks will fly off!”

“Oi!” Kokichi called out, brows pulling together. “You don’t get to say that. It’s _my_ news!”

Miu scoffed. “You didn’t seem all that eager to give it a minute ago.”

Kokichi dropped back into his chair, still on edge but a thousand times more confident than he had been before. “Yeah, but that was then. You don’t get to steal _this_ from me, you spiteful cow.”

Smiling fondly at their quarrelling, Tsumugi shook her head and interrupted. “Well are you going to tell everyone or continue to bicker about who gets to?”

“W-well obviously I’m going to…” Kokichi protested, the gusto now gone from his voice. Seeing Shuichi had lifted his spirits and calmed his nerves, yeah, but that didn’t detract from the fact that he was about to lay a part of himself, arguably the most vulnerable part of himself, bare for the whole internet to see.

Despite the way he lived, he’d never disclosed much of his personal life if he could help it. He’d never vlogged himself, he only appeared in Tsumugi or Miu’s when they went to events and the like. Really, the internet knew very little about him. His Wikipedia page was surprisingly blank for someone with a career in social media.

He gulped and looked up to where Shuichi had moved to stand behind the camera. He was smiling and nodding at him encouragingly.

Kokichi slumped in his chair, finally ready to do it. “We’re um… today, err…” He took another deep breath before straightening up and looking into the camera. “My boyfriend’s going to be joining us on the stream tonight.”

The fact that there was no audible reaction was kind of strange, although not unexpected.

“I’m pretty sure his’ll be a familiar face to most of you guys,” Miu said nonchalantly, smiling at the very uneasy look on Kokichi’s face. “We’re gonna play some shit, mostly competitive stuff.”

Tsumugi nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, it’s going to _brilliant_! For the first time in the three years I’ve known him, I’m finally going to see Kokichi get beaten at Mario Kart!” She looked up behind the camera at Shuichi in awe. “Kokichi says you’re really good at racing games.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty good,” Shuichi said, shrugging.

“ _Pretty good!?_ ” Kokichi repeated, incredulous. “You’re insane at them!”

Shuichi blushed. “If you say so.”

Before Kokichi could continue his rant about how Shuichi needed to stop being so modest all the time, Miu butted in. “Are you going to show him off or what?”

“I thought we might move over to the sofa first,” Tsumugi said, holding up the remote that switched between the camera feeds. “There’s more space over there.”

Doing as Tsumugi wanted, they moved everything over. Miu made herself comfortable on the floor and Tsumugi settled onto the couch behind her head.

Kokichi grabbed Shuichi’s arm and dragged him over. He hesitated a moment before sitting so quickly he couldn’t allow himself to change his mind, yanking Shuichi down with him.

“I doubt I need to introduce him but, um…” Kokichi began, gesturing shyly to his significant other. “This is Shuichi Saihara.”

“Anyway!” Miu loudly butted in again. “Enough of that, let’s play!”

Feeling a surge of affection for his friend, knowing that she was trying to save him face, Kokichi accepted the joy cons and handed one to Shuichi.

They didn’t end up looking at the comments that came flooding in with questions and exclamations and the like, although Tsumugi did check Twitter from time to time for courtesy’s sake. They did address it _somewhat:_

“Some of you guys actually thought it was Shuichi the whole time,” Miu said at one point, leaning forward in concentration as the race was nearing its end. “I read a bunch of your theories, some of them were rather hilarious. I didn’t think it should have been that much of a mystery, though.”

“Well of course _you_ didn’t,” Kokichi interjected. “You found out literally the day after we got together. I’d be shocked if it was anything other than obvious when you already _knew_.”

“But still, congratulations to those of you who guessed correctly," Tsumugi said, a large smile rising to her face as Shuichi crossed the finish line first again. She took an almost sadistic pleasure in seeing Kokichi lose at this. Although he didn’t care as long as it was Shuichi he was losing to.

Shuichi chuckled at the look on her face as he sat back, dropping the joy con into his lap. “Y’know, I thought we were busted back in December. Kokichi was visiting me in Los Angeles and we were doing some Christmas shopping when he got recognised.”

“Yeah, like, everyone knows who Shuichi is,” Kokichi continued, sitting back as well, resting into Shuichi’s side. “So if they know who _I_ was, we thought we’d be dead in the water as soon as they saw him. Especially since there aren’t many good reasons for me to be in California during the winter. But Shu kept his head down and went completely unnoticed! Yo, Camila. If you’re watching,” he said, pointing at the camera. “You know who you are. Know that you were almost the first fan to uncover our little secret. If you still have that photo, you should check to see if Shuichi’s in the background. That would be hilarious.”

Aside from that though, the stream passed on like any other stream did. Only Shuichi was there, on camera. And frankly, Kokichi enjoyed the whole thing a lot more for it.

In the end, it had never mattered what his audience thought.

It never mattered what Shuichi’s audience thought.

It never mattered what _anyone_ thought.

Shuichi had been right. All that mattered was that they loved each other. And if they loved each other, then everything else be damned, because they were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so... it's not Friday... And there's also no chapter nine any more.  
> Let me explain.  
> So some things happened, mainly in my head, and I decided that what I had originally planned for chapter 8, a mid point between this and the last chapter where Kokichi went to Los Angeles and met Kaito, Kaede and Rantarou again, was a) unnecessary, and b)too much work. I could NOT find the drive for that chapter. But I could for this chapter. Especially considering that a bunch of it was already drafted by me back in like, April or something. Fun fact, the first like, five paragraphs of this chapter were written in a McDonalds.  
> Anyway, this was the chapter that most people had been asking for when I finished the initial story and the one I was most eager to write, so I hope it lived up? Sorry there was no conflict in these last three chapters, I just kinda wanted to write some fluffy drivel.  
> Right, from here anyone who's doesn't give a crap about *me* (and I wouldn't blame you), you guys can go. Thank you so much for reading and I love you guys so much.  
> Otherwise, I can say quite confidently that I'm going to be getting more large works out because my writing is no longer ever going to be procrastination. My new creative writing professors say that literally any writing is good and that I should be doing it. And I also need to be writing everyday so I need to be doing THIS everyday. Yeah, I, err... hope that pleases someone.  
> Last thing is about my next fic. Next thing out is going to be the sequel to In the Dead of a Hot Summer's night. I hope that it'll be out before the end of the year. It's already half finished. I'm mentioning this here mainly to guilt trip myself into getting it done faster, but also because I hope it makes someone slightly excited. It's like, my biggest work and it has so many unanswered questions and holes I want to fill and it's frankly kinda embarrassing that so many people read it.  
> Phew, long end note. Tl;dr, New stuff coming, thanks for reading, I appreciate all comments and feedback! Love you guys and see you next time!


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